Base Jumping
by Bekki
Summary: 'She wielded the dimension cannon like an extra limb, stabbing reality and seeping through its wounds. And it was a joy to blast it open, in the name of The Doctor.' A series of Rose's adventures on her way to finding The Doctor
1. Prologue

**Base Jumping**

Disclaimer: I a poor one am. Nothing do I have. Freely do I give

Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor, and many many others

Rating: T

Summary: She wielded the dimension cannon like an extra limb, stabbing reality and seeping through its wounds. And it was a joy to blast it open, in the name of The Doctor.

Welcome to _Base Jumping_ - a series of Rose's adventures on her way to finding The Doctor.

_~in memory of the lives and homes lost in my hometown Brisbane and the South East Queensland floods~_

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**Base Jumping**

She had never base jumped on Earth. On her earth. She was never much into extreme sports before she met him. _She _was never much before she met him.

And now here she was, Rose Tyler, afraid little shop girl, intentionally ripping holes into the fabric of the universe. Of every universe. And it was thrilling.

They'd had the technology for a short while now. Had it and done nothing with it, even though she had longed to. Yearned to. It had haunted her in her dreams, the dimension cannon. It had called out to her in sickly sweet melodies, begging her to use it. To take it in her hands and blow a hole in reality. One little hole to be with him again.

But she hadn't, of course. If there was one thing he had taught her in their time together, it was perspective. There was so much in the world, in the universe and she couldn't risk any of it for herself. For him. Even if he _was_ her universe.

But now it was different. Now the fabric of reality was being stretched and pulled and melded together and it was too late to be careful. She needed The Doctor and the whole of reality needed him too. And so, after endless nights of poisonous dreams that urged her to use it, here she was. She wielded the dimension cannon like an extra limb, stabbing reality and seeping through its wounds. And it was a joy to blast it open, in the name of The Doctor.

…

She could hardly count how many times she had stepped through the void to find disappointment and heartache on the other side. Sometimes she found him, much too early, sometimes devastatingly too late. Sometimes she didn't find him at all, but met others that knew him, and was envious and jealous and heartbroken and monumentally relieved to know that he wasn't alone. Most of all, she was tired. The jumps were endless, and her hope was waning. She didn't bother with mission reports any more, but hopped from universe to universe, losing her concept of time and space. She was a whirlwind of desperation and each reality began to bleed into the other, disappointment into disappointment.

But sometimes there were things and people that stood out in the sea of desperation.

Sometimes there was something to make her alive again.

TBC


	2. Mirror Image

**Jump No. 6**

Rose was hurled onto a field of calf-length grass and nearly fell over. That dimension cannon took some severe getting used to. She took a deep breath in, shielded her eyes from the strong sun and looked around for the TARDIS.

_Please let this be the one._

She heard a feminine laugh, vaguely familiar, and her heart raced. Donna Noble? She certainly hoped so. She had learned by now that running at the sight or sound of something familiar left her reeling with exhaustion at the end of a disappointing day, so she walked with purpose through the grass, her mind on fire and her teeth clenched. Please.

"Woaw!"

She turned at the exclamation and saw…herself?

Her heart sank.

"Woaw," she said back, lamely. Any other time, this might have been exciting, possibly dangerous. Now it was just another failure. Rose Tyler. Not Donna Noble.

The Doctor would have marvelled at the paradox. She would tell him about it if she found him again.

When. She had to believe in when.

The Rose Tyler in front of her looked her up and down.

"You're…"

"Me."

"Me."

"Right."

They looked at each other for a few, very long seconds.

"How did you get here? When are you from?" The other Rose interrogated her, her eyebrows furrowed. Then she laughed and covered her mouth, as though she was surprised to hear herself saying those words. "This is too weird."

"You're telling me," Rose said back to her, taking in her light dress and longer, slightly darker hair. "I haven't seen a 'me' before. Where is this?"

The other Rose smiled and looked beyond her, as if remembering something fondly. "Not the right place," she said. "Not the right universe. Your calibration's off."

Rose frowned. "What? How do you know?"

The other Rose looked at the ground. "Er…" she seemed lost, but rather than looking for answer she seemed to be trying to remember one. "This isn't the first time you've been here," she said, cryptically and laughed again at herself. "…now I understand…" she continued, apparently, to nobody.

Rose looked at the other woman darkly, confused. "Is The Doctor here?"

The other Rose looked at her with wild eyes for a second, then smiled again. "I don't travel with Time Lords anymore," she said. "I'm living a human life." And she seemed very amused by what she was saying.

"Right…" Rose answered, feeling uneasy. Whoever this Rose Tyler was, wherever and whenever she was from, she was very unsettling.

Both Roses were snapped out of their individual thoughts by a bundle of brown hair running toward them.

"Mummy," the little bundle called. "Daddy says the oscillator is set on six hundred and that if you get your human bottom back to the house, he'll show you the entropic…" the child trailed off, staring at Rose. "Mummy?" she asked. She hid behind her mother's legs.

Rose stared back at the child then at the other Rose.

"Human bottom?"

The other Rose flashed a grin. "Sweetie, you tell your father that he can put his _human_ foot in his human mouth." The little girl laughed and ran out of sight, through the long grass.

Rose frowned. "I don't understand," she said. "The cannon locks onto the TARDIS. If The Doctor isn't here, how am I here? How do you even know him?"

The other Rose looked thoughtful for a moment. "The coral…" she murmured to herself.

"Coral?" Rose asked.

"TARDIS coral," the other Rose answered. "It's…well, it's a long story. But there are no functioning time machines here, no Time Lords and certainly no Donna Noble. I'm sorry Rose…ooh, that's weird, saying your own name…Rose…"

She sounded like The Doctor. It was unnerving.

"Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry but you're not even close."

Rose sighed with frustration that was more directed at the other her than at the situation, which was refreshing, at least.

"Thanks," she said, half-heartedly and prepared herself to jump again through the void and into another universe, hopefully the right one this time.

"No problem," the other her said and looked at her with something that resembled nostalgia. She smiled again. "Good luck," she said and waved as Rose turned and walked into the clearing; into the void.

As the light and void engulfed her, she thought she noticed a zeppelin in the sky.


	3. Bow Ties and Goodbyes

_~for Queensland~_

_

* * *

_

**Jump No. 11**

Cement. Blue skies. Mountains. She was on a planet this time, lovely.

She'd been caught in transit the last few times, stuck in wavelengths and transmissions and radios and the like. It was all very claustrophobic, existing only in a television. But she'd seen Donna through one of those televisions and knew that she must be getting close. He was so close she could feel him. Smell him. The metallic tang of time vortex on the wind.

She heard a very familiar whirring noise and her head snapped around. The sonic screwdriver.

She walked briskly (she never ran anymore) and kept an eye out for the TARDIS. The rest of her was sending out feelers for her Doctor.

Even his name on the tip of her mind was enough to make her sigh.

_This had to be the one._

And then she saw it. The TARDIS. A flash of red hair and the slam of the door.

Donna Noble.

Excitement and nerves filled her like the air in a balloon and she quickened her pace. This was it! This had to be it.

She knocked on the door.

She tried to slow her heartbeat just in case. Too much excitement only led to a harder fall when she found out she was wrong. Which she inevitably would. Every time.

No. This had to be it.

She heard the patter of feet on the metal flooring of the TARDIS and waited to see the face of Donna Noble. Or maybe The Doctor. Oh god, she hoped for the latter.

The door opened.

"Hello?"

Not Donna Noble.

It was a man with mousey features and a vague but curious smile. He was waving the sonic screwdriver lamely in his left hand.

"Doctor?"

No. It couldn't be. Had he regenerated? She felt her heart breaking at the thought. Would he know her anymore? Would he want her anymore? She knew he would help her, there was never any doubt, but she had travelled worlds and universes to find him. And she had hoped to find him for good. But if he had changed again…

He laughed at her.

The laughter beat her heart down.

"Amy!" The man called and Rose could hear the patter of feet on the floor again.

"Coming!" came a Scottish voice and Rose wondered just how many people were in the TARDIS.

"Hello!" the voice said and Rose found that it belonged to the red hair she had seen earlier. Not Donna Noble. She was disappointed and relieved at the same time. "Who's this?" the girl asked the man.

"No idea," he said back. "She thought I was The Doctor."

The girl laughed at him and he looked back, vaguely hurt. Rose smiled at them.

"I'm Amy," she said, flicking back her long red hair. "And this is Rory." Rory shook her hand ceremoniously.

"Hi," Rose said back. "Do you travel with The Doctor then?"

"Yeah," said Amy, before Rory could speak. Rose looked her over. She was gorgeous, this Amy, full of life and spark and Rose was just a little jealous. She stamped the feeling away.

"Is he here?"

"Stepped out," Rory said.

Damn.

Not that it mattered. He was the wrong one anyway, obviously.

"Oh," she said remembering, "You don't travel with Donna Noble, do you?"

"Who?" Amy this time.

Yep. She had failed again.

"Never mind," Rose said.

"Should we tell The Doctor you came by? What's your name?" Amy asked, eyes curious and possessive. Rose knew that look. She smiled back, sadly.

"Don't worry. He's not the one I'm looking for."

"Ok," Rory said, all too happily. Amy didn't look nearly as obliging but she allowed Rory to step in front of her and close the door.

And that was that.

"Damn," she sighed, and laid her head on the TARDIS door.

_Pull it together, Tyler._ She stood up properly and clenched her teeth, forcing her failure away. She had to keep going. She had to find him.

"You thought _Rory_ was a Time Lord?"

Rose looked around again, her eyes settling on a man sitting on a park bench not too far from her. He was young and mousey brown, though a different brown to Rory. He was wearing a jacket and a ridiculous bow-tie. A fashion sense the Doctor would envy, she thought with a smile.

"…should really pay more attention to who I lend my screwdriver to…"

Or not.

"Doctor?"

It came out as more of a whisper than a word.

"Hello Rose Tyler."

It was him.

A new Doctor.

A new new Doctor.

"Hello."

The familiar, entirely unfamiliar man patted the space next him on the park bench and she slowly moved to join him. She stopped in front of him and looked at his face. It was so young, and the lines of worry and age were gone. His eyes were lighter, bluer and freer of the dark and the doom she had known them to hold. However late she was, this Doctor felt far less of the evils that hers did.

"I was wondering whether I would see you," he said. His voice was measured and pleased. Only the slightest bit nervous and not at all desperate.

"Why?" she asked. Odd question really, and she wasn't quite sure why she asked it.

"I've seen you a bit, over the years," he said. "This you. Defender of the Earth."

She cocked her head, a little confused and feeling very alien. Funny, she had always felt so human with him before.

"And were you hoping?" she asked, voice small.

"Oh yes," he answered, voice proud and eyes as old as the sky itself.

They sat for a while, just looking at each other.

She noticed the TARDIS door open and the two heads of the two she had met earlier pop out. The Doctor gave them a warning glance and they disappeared, the ginger one muttering something about gossip.

"How late am I?" she asked.

"About two years," he said.

"And they are…" she gestured to the TARDIS.

"Rory and Amy, my friends," he said with a smile. She was glad and proud and jealous all at once. "They got married last week. First wedding reception I've ever held in the TARDIS." Rose waited for the _'Well, first human wedding. There was that Judoon wedding in 3045, but that's hardly worth mentioning, really. Different wedding customs with the Judoon. Mostly they just yell single syllabled words at each other and slap their shoulders. Nice duel after the consummation though. Very emotional. I even cried…'_ but it didn't come. She frowned. "What?" he asked.

"You're different," she said.

He nodded. "Yes."

There was another silence.

"How long do you have?" he asked.

"About two minutes," she replied and neither of them missed the irony of the question.

"Rose…" he started, then brought his hand to his mouth, rubbing it. "It feels different with this mouth. Your name…"

Had he never used it?

"Where am I?" she asked. "If I'm only two years late?"

The Doctor sighed. "You know better than to ask that, Rose."

She nodded. "Yeah."

But it was only two years. Did she die? Saving the universe from the stars disappearing? Or had he just not wanted her when they had won?

"Stop it," he said seriously.

"What?" she asked, holding back tears. Not that that was a problem, really. She was very used to holding back tears nowadays.

"Stop thinking," he said, and she laughed at the ridiculousness of it. That and the fact that he had known what she was thinking. Like always. "You humans and your conclusions. Just…" he stopped himself. "Just wait and see."

"You can talk," she snorted. "Who made me Harry Potter 7 four weeks after I came aboard?"

"Good thing too," he laughed back at her. "Because you missed it, after all."

"Just like you said I would."

There was a silence again.

"Did you know? All the way back then, did you know?"

"No," he said, his voice a little husky. "If I'd have known…" he didn't finish the sentence but the sudden darkness in his eyes answered her well enough. "It'll be good, Rose," he assured her. "It'll be brilliant."

"Fantastic?"

"Oh yes."

She smiled at him, her heart singing for this man whose face she had never seen. He looked back at her, reserved but satisfied. She sighed.

"I should go," she said, the beating of her heart only serving as a reminder of how much time she was wasting.

"Yeah," he answered, still smiling at her. "But…before you do…" she felt a pang of pain knowing that she would have to leave so soon. "I need to you to know…" And her heart swelled. "I'm happy."

She looked down. That wasn't quite what she had expected to hear. She took in a deep breath.

"It won't make sense to you yet," he assured her. "And don't try to make it make sense because knowing you, you'll come to completely the wrong conclusion…your mother's trait…" he added and she laughed, "but one day soon, you'll make a choice. And when you make it, I want you to know. I'm happy. I have Amy and Rory and the TARDIS and all of time and space and I'm happy." He smiled at her genuinely and she believed him. "Just remember that for me, Rose. Because…" he stopped himself again. "Because you will be too."

And he kissed her forehead and before she could reach out for him, he stood up and walked over to the TARDIS.

"Goodbye Rose Tyler," he said, his eyes a little watery. She found that hers were too. "Now go and save the universe!"


	4. Two Hearts

_"Such a disappointment, this one. Days of old, Doctor, you had companions who could absorb the time vortex. This one's useless!" _

- The Master, Last of the Time Lords

.

_**please review**  
_

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**Jump No. 19**

The first jumps were always the hardest. The dimension cannon took a lot of getting used to and Rose was shaking in pain. Everything felt disconnected and liquid and red hot, like fire. She shook herself over and looked up.

Today was it. Today had to be it.

She didn't know where she was this time, but she hardly ever did, so it wasn't too much of a problem. Wherever she was, it was very clean and very quiet. There was a set of stairs, and a few windows. Behind her stood a pair of women, one about the same age as her, the other old enough to be her mother, cowering in a corner.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she said, but they turned tail and ran out of sight. She frowned. How on Earth (or wherever she was this time) was she supposed to find him if she scared away anyone who could help?

In answer to her call, a groan came from the other side of the room. She walked towards it and saw that it came from a cage. Inside the cage was a tiny alien, incredibly old and fairly ugly, in a very familiar suit.

"Doctor?" she asked, praying that it was mere coincidence. The creature was asleep, his breathing shallow and loud. She reached into the cage to touch him, not wake him, and she stroked his head lightly. Just in case it was him. Well, regardless, really. She supposed it didn't matter. The creature was suffering and she could soothe it, even if only with a caress.

"Who are you?"

She whizzed around, and immediately regretted it. She was still very nauseous from the dimension cannon.

"I'm Rose," she said, looking the man up and down. He was dirty blond, youngish, with a roguish smile that was quite catching. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the sad, sleeping creature.

"What are you doing here?" The man asked, harshly. "And how did you get here?"

She tore her eyes from the cage and back to the man. "I came a long way," she said. "I'm looking for The Doctor."

Recognition flashed in the man's eyes and Rose's breath hitched. Yes!

"Come with me," he said, giving the creature a look. She supposed he didn't want to wake it.

She followed the man down a corridor and into an office room. The desk was large and polished and the man guided her to a seat. He smiled again. She smiled back.

"How do you know The Doctor?" he asked, "And why do you think he is here?"

"I used to travel with him," she said, "And I don't know that he's here. I just know that…something like him is. I get pulled towards it."

He frowned, confused. "And why would you want that?"

She laughed. "Why? Because I want to find him. I need to find him. I…" she stopped, unable to say just what she needed. She needed to find him to save the earth. The universe. Reality itself. But she needed him for so much else as well, and she couldn't tell this man one way or another. There was something in his eyes that made her abstain. They were ancient, this man's eyes. Old and worn and timeless, like The Doctor's.

And he was smiling now too. Triumphantly.

"Rose…" he said, testing out her name. "Companion of The Doctor. I like that," he said and came to stand next to her, quite close. "Feel my chest," he commanded, invitingly and Rose frowned at him again. "Feel my chest," he growled pleasantly and Rose felt herself flush a little as her hand touched the man's chest. She could feel his heart beat under his shirt. Once, twice. Thrice…four times…

She pulled her hand away with a gasp. "Doctor?" she asked. Butterflies and nerves and pins and needles like lightning shot through her. She wondered how late she was this time, or even how early, for his body to be different again. Not her Northern Doctor. Not the bow-tied Doctor and not…not _her _Doctor either. She looked him up and down and her heart broke a little. She swallowed in defeat, knowing she was in the wrong place, but her heart warmed a little too as he looked down at her.

He smiled again and put a hand to her waist. His other hand snaked up her back and pulled her close to him. She jumped at the touch but moved into him, warily. "Rose," he said, and lowered his face to hers. She closed her eyes and parted her lips ever so slightly as her body melted to him.

And then she was on fire.

She screamed but she couldn't hear her own voice. The man's hands were off her back and on her temples and she could see his face in the reds of her eyelids. He was laughing at her in her head, manically, painfully. She tried to break free but his hold was heavy and strong and she whimpered in distress. She could hear pounding in and around her head and couldn't stop it. Incessant pounding, almost in time with his laughter. With a mental thump that nearly knocked her out, he started leafing through her mind, plucking out memories and making her cry out.

She saw the first time she ever took The Doctor's hand. (He laughed at The Doctor's appearance.)

She saw him dance with her in the TARDIS while Jack Harkness watched on, clicking and singing. (He grinned and growled. She cowered.)

She saw him tell her that he could save the world but lose her. (He crooned, mockingly.)

She saw herself tell him she loved him. (He laughed loudly and greedily at this one. She cried)

She saw a dalek. (He gasped. Shook.)

She saw herself, bright as the sun, dividing the atoms of the daleks and crushing them from existence. (She gasped. He cowered.)

His consciousness was ripped from her head and she cried out in pain. She stumbled and fell and dry wretched as her head swam.

"What was that?" he asked, his eyes alight with what looked like fear.

She didn't answer. She was reeling. Her head was aching and she thought her very soul was bleeding. She could feel her heart thump in her chest in fear and remembered that she had felt two hearts in his. She took a step back, but fell again.

"Who are you?" she asked, but her voice came out in a squeak.

"Who are _you_?" he asked back, and he looked scared. Awed.

"I'm the Bad Wolf," she replied, understanding his fear and trying to use it. She didn't really believe it though. "I created myself." She didn't even know what she was saying, but the words were falling into her mouth in golden strands and she felt her blood pump hotter as she spoke. "I see all that is, all that was, all that will be."

"You absorbed the time vortex," he whispered. "But you're a human."

"And you're a Time Lord," she answered. "Who are you?"

The man shook his head. "You'll learn soon enough, _Rose_, that if one doesn't want to be destroyed, one oughtn't share things like names." He took a step back toward her but she noticed that it was small, hesitant. His voice wasn't though, it was cold and lashed at her like the tongue of a snake. "Haven't you wondered why he never told you his?"

"Where is he?" she asked back, ignoring the question. Of course she wondered. Of course the lack of trust had hurt. Of course this abomination of a man would use that against her, whoever he was. "He said he was the last…"

"That's what he wanted you to think, Rosie." She snarled at his petty nickname. An attempt to belittle her. "Wanted you to think he was all alone in the universe. Someone to be looked after. To be cared for. And you showed him care, didn't you? Looked after all his needs?" He grinned again.

"Shut up," she yelled. "Just shut up!"

"There are hundreds of us, Rose," he said. "Thousands. He just didn't want the competition. Weak, he is."

"You're lying!" she cried. He laughed. "There couldn't be, they're all dead. You just have to look at him to know…" she was crying now, but talking on, "there are years of anguish in there an' hurt an' you…you coward!" She took a step toward him and he shuffled backwards. "You feel it too, I can see it. Pain an' hurt an' loneliness. So shut it! Just shut it!" and she dissolved into tears. He said nothing.

"Where is he?" she whispered, venomously.

"You've seen him already."

The tiny creature. In The Doctor's suit.

She laughed. Hollow, ugly laughter but still she laughed.

"You think you've got him," she said. "That what this is? You're taking over? New Time Lord hero?"

"Something like that," he said with a swagger. "I could use power like yours. The time vortex trapped in a young body. He wasted his time, you know. Took such little care of it." He was next to her again, fingers dancing on her waist.

"You lost," she said, taking one step in, crowding his space. "I've seen things, Time Lord and I've seen him after this. I've seen him free and happy and laughing. And I've never seen you. I think your time here must be quite short. Barely missed."

"You've seen…"

"I can see your time-line, Time Lord," she lied, spitting the words, "and I know you can't. And it's short. And it's weak. But The Doctor's stretches on, and it's strong and it's protected by me. Because I am the Bad Wolf. And I see you for what you really are."

She turned away from him, took in a deep breath and walked. The dimension cannon's timer would go off any second now, sending her back into the void. She thanked the universe above and around her that it gave her an escape. She thought she had rarely been so scared, and that was really saying something. She spared a thought for the poor creature in the cage that was The Doctor. She prayed to whoever was listening to give him strength. Because as much as she wanted to save him, however much she needed to, she needed him in another time. This wasn't it. And if it wasn't now, then that meant she was either too early or too late. And if she was too early, she knew he would make it out somehow. She had seen him in his future. And if she was too late, she would just have to stop this from ever happening. When she was back with him. Forever.

"And what's that?" The man called out to her, in pain, in triumph and failure at the same time. 'What am I?"

"A lonely little boy," she said, and disappeared.

She never said her name aloud in a jump again.


	5. Transmission

_A/N: I know this is a short chapter, but I was rewatching season two and this just jumped out at me. I couldn't leave it alone. Long, juicy chapter coming up later this week_

_Please review! It gives me the happies!_

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**Jump No. 23**

The world around her was dark and she couldn't feel her legs. Rose really hated base jumping.

She looked around her and saw nothing but black. She tried to walk, but she couldn't feel her legs. She tried to touch her face but found she had no control of her arms. She called out but she had no voice.

These sorts of jumps scared her.

She hoped maybe she was caught in a transmission again like she had been several times before. It felt the same. Voiceless, limbless and powerless. She could only hope it was nothing worse. Although usually she could see…

She waited.

She was glad the cannon was on an automatic timer. Jumped every ten minutes unless she told it otherwise. She figured she didn't have long to wait.

And then she heard it. A horrible buzzing in her ears (She had ears!) and everything was bright.

She could see a room. A very familiar room, although she couldn't quite place it. The walls were covered with old vinyls and 50s television sets. She could only see straight ahead, but she assumed the rest of the room was the same. So familiar…

She tried to speak. She called out The Doctor's name and she could hear her voice echoing though her head, bellowing in space. In a tiny confined space. Was she in one of the televisions?

Her vision was impaired by a pair of trousers, then knees and then the most glorious face in all creation.

The Doctor.

She called out to him again. He saw her, but didn't hear her.

Why wasn't he surprised to see her there? Why wasn't he tearing the television open? He looked at her, sad and desperate and driven. His hair was ridiculously combed back and he…

Wait. She remembered that hair. She remembered that hair and that room and those televisions. She was in the 1950s in Magpie's Television Shop.

Oh god.

He looked at her, into her and said, "I'm on my way."

But he didn't understand. She wasn't like the other faces in the televisions. She was Rose Tyler from the future, and he had to help her. She shouted his name again, but he stood up and turned away. She heard him yelling about wanting his friend back. If only he knew…

She remembered this shouting from the last time she was here. She remembered him yelling at Magpie and she remembered being so confused. Now she understood. She was somewhere too, in that room, five years ago and right now, wondering what it was that The Doctor had seen to make him realise she was there. Because he hadn't looked at _her_ television…

No. He had seen her in the future.


	6. The Time Lord Victorious

**Jump No. 28**

"Rose!"

Rose was thrown out of the void so violently that she fell. "Ouch!" she whispered, wiping her hands and her sides. They were bleeding.

"Rose!"

She turned around, reeled and shocked and saw him, standing there, waiting for her.

Her heart leapt.

It never happened this fast.

The Doctor rushed over to her, hurled her to her feet and grabbed hold of her. He held her back and tugged at her hard and she was thrown into his embrace. He was panting and so was she, confused and sore and a bit emotional now from this unexpected and uncomfortable embrace.

"Doctor?" she asked, and he held her back at arms length.

"It worked!" he said, his eyes manic and his face gleaming with sweat. "I set the TARDIS's output levels to two hundred percent so that she'd pull you in and it _worked!"_

"That why I fell over?" she asked.

"Yeah, sorry about that," he said and grabbed her hands to look at them. His grip around her wrists was tight and she frowned.

"Why were you waiting for me?" she asked.

"Knew you were coming," he said, speaking fast. "Knew you would come and here you are and here we are and we're together again." He cried with joy, but it was cold and it frightened her a little. "The Doctor and Rose Tyler. In the TARDIS. As it should be."

He let go of her wrists and held her face in his hand, gently this time; tender.

"I've missed you," he said, and his eyes were wet with unshod tears.

"I've missed you too," she said and leaned into his hand.

He grinned, took her other hand and ran, leading her into the TARDIS. She called out, his hand grazing her bleeding palms painfully, but he didn't notice. He whirred around like he always did, setting controls, pulling levers. But he was shaking and sweating and so unlike himself.

"Doctor, where are we going?" she asked.

"Anywhere," he replied hungrily. "Anywhere and everywhere, Rose Tyler. Forever."

He pulled her hand hard so that she fell into him. He caught her with his mouth and before she knew it, he was kissing her. He smashed his mouth against hers and they were all tongues and teeth. She met his desperation. Her hands were in his hair, on his arms, in his jacket and around his waist. She groaned his name and he let out a guttural moan that excited and scared her just a little. This wasn't right.

Something wasn't right.

"Doctor," she said, pulling away. She already mourned the absence of his lips against hers. "We can't. Not forever. The stars are going out. The universe is in danger. I need your help."

The Doctor just grinned. "Oh but it's done, Rose Tyler. You and me and the world. It's done!" He moved back in, his hips hard against hers. She gasped.

"It's done?" she asked, heart lowering in a far more painful way than usual. "Then I'm too late…"

"It doesn't matter!" The Doctor cried triumphantly. "You're here with me, Rose and that's all that matters. We have a time machine. We can go anywhere, everywhere, change it all. Save it all."

What?

Rose stepped back, urgently.

"Who are you?" Her heart pounded.

"I'm the Time Lord Victorious!" he shouted, pulled her back in and kissed her furiously. She tried to pull away, then gave in, meeting him lash for wet tongued-lash. She pressed herself against him and felt an ache below her navel. She moaned his name into his lips and felt all three of their hearts racing.

But this was wrong.

She pulled away again and looked at him fiercely, only to see that he was crying.

She'd never seen him cry.

He was weeping. Breaking and weeping and his hands were shaking now.

"What have I done?" he asked, though she wasn't sure he was asking her in particular. "Rose, what have I done?"

She tentatively moved back in and held him, rubbing his back in large soothing circles.

"It's ok," she said, over and over, telling herself as well as this man with The Doctor's face. She could only hope it wasn't really him. "Tell me."

He looked at her, into her eyes and shook his head. "I don't want you to know," he said. "What I've done…I went too far. And I can't stop." His hands shook, and he looked at her so guiltily and so hungrily and so devastatingly sadly. "She said that it's over. That I'll die. The woman on the bus…" Rose nodded though the words meant little to her. "And then I got carried away. I went to Mars and I…I got so lonely and so sick of losing everything. Everyone. You." He stroked her face again and his hand was wet. She was crying too. "They all leave. They all die and leave and fade and wither and I'm too old now. I don't want it anymore."

"Doctor…" she had no idea what to say. In her years of traveling she had always hoped that he would open up to her, that he would let her in. Now she thought she understood why he never did. There was too much in there, too much for her to handle, though she was loathe to admit it. There was nothing inside her that could possibly quell the raging storm that was in his eyes. What did she possibly know that he didn't? That would help?

…the future…

"How late am I?" she asked.

"A year," he said. "A lifetime."

A Year. He had a new face when she was two years too late. He was right. He was going to die.

"I've seen you," she began, finding it difficult to believe. "Your future. You're fine. You're happy. You're beautiful." Was this what he had wanted her to remember? The new him? "You told me to tell you that. After you die, when you regenerate, you have these amazing friends and adventures and you don't even miss me anymore." A part of her beat herself for saying it and as she did, she broke into tears. "You're fine, Doctor," she sobbed. "You're beautiful and perfect and fine."

"And I'm yours," he said quietly. "I'm too far gone, Rose. Just say the word and I'll stay with you forever. You don't have to go back and fight. Just say it…please…"

"You can't promise forever," she said back, quietly, so sadly. "You know better than that."

"Do I?"

He looked so defeated.

"I think I need to leave," she said, her mouth making the words while her heart screamed at her to stop. "The Doctor would tell me to go back and try. I have to…" she removed herself from him and turned away, no longer able to stop the tears that began to flood her face.

"Rose." His voice was small, almost childlike. "My Rose."

She turned around. He kissed her, chastely on the lips, then the forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

And she was back in the void again.

It took her a long while to get over that jump.


	7. Mickey The Idiot

**Jump No. 32**

Rose stepped out of the void, surprisingly in control of all her limbs. She must finally be getting used to this. She looked around her, trying to figure out where the universes had landed her. There was grass, houses and a few cars wandering down a quiet, lonely street.

She was in England, she noted, looking at the number plates of the cars, but it seemed too quiet to be London. She looked around her again, at the houses lining the street and wondered what could possibly have ever brought the TARDIS here.

"Rose?"

She whipped around to see Mickey, staring straight back at her. Mickey? What on Earth was he doing here? She groaned.

"Mickey, I told you. I'll let you know when I need a rest cycle. What did you bring me back for?"

Mickey just stared at her. "What?"

"Where did you even bring me, anyway? Is this some kind of vacation? There aren't even any zeppelins. Where are we?"

Mickey had been threatening her with forced vacations for a while now, but she was sure he would never go through with it. He didn't understand, nobody understood her desperation. Her need. Even Mickey, who seemed to understand nearly everything about her couldn't understand just how much she needed to find The Doctor. Oh, he understood that they needed him to save reality, most people understood that. But nobody quite understood why _she_, Rose Tyler, needed to find her Doctor. Mickey thought he understood of course, thought that Rose was in love with The Doctor and wanted to find him to spend the rest of her life loving him. And he wasn't wrong, she supposed. But he wasn't quite right, either. And the fact that she could never explain just what it was that drew her to The Doctor so profoundly just fed Mickey's assumptions even further. And who was she to deny that he was right? He was. He just…he just didn't understand.

"Rose…" Mickey said, looking as though he couldn't believe she was there. "You came…"

Rose felt her face crinkle in confusion. "Obviously," she said. "You brought me here."

"But I never thought you'd actually say yes," Mickey said, his face slowly turning into a grin. "You didn't answer the wedding invitation, or James's Christening."

Rose's face crinkles further. What on earth was he talking about?

"Where's The Doctor, then?" Mickey asked, looking around. "Do we have a surprise for him!"

"Mickey, don't!" Rose said, her face going red. "You don't actually expect me to have found him already, do you? I told you, it would take time. No, you told me!" She rubbed her arms up and down, comforting and protecting herself. He was always going on about how it would take time, and that she couldn't ask for an instant fix because there was no way they would ever get one. He sounded like her mother when he talked like that and she hated it. So what if she just wanted The Doctor back right now? So what if she just wanted to hold him and know that he was there and never ever let him go? Sometimes Mickey made her feel extremely juvenile, and that fact in itself made her feel even more so. He was Mickey, for goodness' sake! Mickey the Idiot. Not Mickey the Parent, Mickey the Smart, Mickey the Responsible. The new universe had changed him.

She wondered if she had changed as much.

"Look at you," Mickey said, his eyes slackening as he looked her up and down. "You don't look a day older. You're even wearing…" he trailed off, his eyes sharpening again.

"What?" Rose asked, annoyed, confused, and though she was loathe to admit it, more exhausted than she thought she could ever be.

"Your clothes. Your hair. Your face."

Rose raised an eyebrow at him. She was too fed up to play along.

"I can't believe I've figured it out before you have," he said, the grin reappearing on his face. "Mickey the Idiot."

Rose growled. "Will you shut it and tell me what I'm doing here?"

"What jump are you up to?" he asked, still staring at her as though he hadn't seen her for years.

"Well, this was meant to be thirty-two, but I take it you've interrupted the transmission. Is it the weekend or something?"

Mickey's eyebrows furrowed. "Thirty-two…"He was trying to remember something. "I don't remember the mission report," he said.

"Well I haven't written it yet, have I?" Rose asked, exasperated.

"I suppose _someone_ asked you to keep it light on the details," Mickey said, chuckling to himself.

"Right," Rose said, fed up. "What the hell is going on?"

"Jump thirty-two," Mickey explained, as though his answer was satisfactory. Which it wasn't. Not even nearly. So Rose didn't answer. "Come on, Rose," Mickey goaded, his mouth open wide in a grin. "Ask me what year it is!"

"I know what year it is."

Mickey laughed. "You're pouting! You're actually pouting!"

"Mickey!"

"Alright, alright," Mickey grumbled. "I forgot how cranky that cannon used to make you."

"Used to?"

Mickey grinned again. "It's 2015, Rose."

"What?"

"2015. Farnham, my house." He gestured to the house behind them.

"Your –"

"House, yeah. Normal universe, as you can tell. No zeppelins."

Rose looked around her again. 2015. So she _was_ still base-jumping. This was weird.

"How'd you get back?" she asked.

"Oh, you know," Mickey said, waving his arm. "Realities collapsing, stars disappearing. Stuff I suppose I can't really tell you about." He shook his head, gloating.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Wait," she said, remembering. "You said wedding?"

"Yeah," Mickey said, shoving his left hand in her face. There was a thick golden wedding band on his finger. "Five years," he said.

Rose felt her eyes widen. Mickey Smith, married? That was just so…unlikely. "Who's the lucky lady?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Mickey teased and Rose felt like she was sixteen again and they were back in high school, sharing stupid gossip.

"Come on," Rose whined. "Tell me! Is she a catch? Do I know her?"

"Do you always get this distracted in jumps?" Mickey asked, obviously evading her question.

"Shut up!" Rose fired, slapping his arm. "So I do know her then?"

"Not yet."

Rose growled again. "I swear, I am so sick of people telling me that they can't tell me things. I wish someone would tell me something!"

Mickey laughed. Rose glared at him, then after a few seconds, joined in.

"Thirty-two," Mickey said, after a long moment.

"Thirty-two," Rose repeated. "Am I nearly there?" Mickey's eyes darkened. "Nah, it's ok," she said with a sigh. "I know you can't tell me."

"When did Mickey Smith ever play by the rules?" he asked, smiling. "You're close," he said. "Really close." Rose sighed, and felt tears threaten her eyelids. Mickey was a horrible liar.

"I just want it to be over," she said.

"Yeah, I know."

Mickey held out his arms for her, and Rose welcomed them, falling into him and laying her head on his shoulder. He held her head against him and stroked her hair, like he always did when she broke down. Which was more often than she would like to admit, really.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Rose jumped out of Mickey's arms to find a mini-Mickey tugging on his pants.

"Hey mate," Mickey said, and swung the little boy onto his shoulder. Rose was frozen in shock.

"Dad?"

Mickey laughed nervously as the child on his shoulder played with his ears. "Yeah. Rose, this is James. James, this is Auntie Rose."

Rose felt her heart warm at the title. Auntie Rose. She liked that.

"Hi Auntie Rose," James greeted, melodically.

"Hello James," she replied. "Well, he's not shy, is he?"

She smiled at the little boy and brushed a hand over his head.

"You were meant to be godmother," Mickey said, "But you never came to the christening."

"Godmother?"

"You and Tish," Mickey said. "But…"

"But I never came…why?"

Mickey shrugged. "No idea. Mar…my wife sent The Doctor a message, but we haven't seen either of you for years. We thought we heard the TARDIS at the wedding, but if you were there, you didn't say hello."

Rose frowned. "Why?" she asked, although she knew Mickey didn't hold the answer. "I would have if…"

"I know," said Mickey. "Don't worry about it though," he said, and it was clear that he had in fact been worrying about it, "wherever the Doctor and Rose Tyler travel, there's sure to be something more interesting than domestics."

Rose smiled at the reference. But the frown that lined Mickey's eyes remained, and Rose promised herself that when this was all over, she would make the Doctor swear to take her to Mickey's wedding and little James's christening.

"You're married," she said again, looking him over. "I can't believe it."

Mickey's grin re-emerged. "You'll love her, Rose. She's…well…you'll see."

"Will I?" Rose asked, amused. "Well that's something to look forward to then." She raised an eyebrow at Mickey.

"Oh no," he said, still grinning back. "You won't get anything out of me."

"What happened to "When did Mickey Smith ever play by the rules"?"

"Only superfluous ones."

"Superfluous?"

Mickey nudged her. "Shut up. I'm not Mickey the Idiot anymore."

Rose smiled, eyes running over little James. "Obviously."

"And Rose Tyler's puppy-dog eyes don't sway me in the slightest." Rose frowned. "I'm not telling you what happens."

"No, I guess you're not," she said. It was strange to think that she wasn't around. That she hadn't seen him in years. He was Mickey. Mickey who had been there through Jimmy Stone, and high school, and both Doctors and everything that they gave her and took away. He had been her touchstone in the last few years in Pete's world, but here he was, Mickey Smith, living a life without her, day after day.

She wondered if this was how The Doctor felt when he saw Sarah Jane those years ago. It was an odd feeling. So proud and at the same time, so sad. So lost and so fulfilled all at once.

"You're so different," she said, marvelling at him. Mickey Smith.

"All because of you," he answered and her heart swelled again with pride.

Rose lingered for a second. "May I?" she asked, holding out her arms for the tiny Mickey-look-alike.

"Of course," Mickey said, "But be quick. I don't want him shooting off with you into the void."

"Wouldn't dream of it," she said, and her arms were full of little man. "Hello James," she said, kissing the little boy on the head.

"You already said that," he said back, full of cheek.

"He's his dad's son," she said with a laugh.

"More like his mother, actually," Mickey said, face glowing with pride. "That timer will go off soon," he said.

"Rose nodded. "Yeah," she said. She gave little James another kiss on the head. "Bye bye, little man."

"You're not staying for my party?" James asked, his face falling into a gorgeous frown.

Rose looked at Mickey quizzically.

"It's his birthday," Mickey said back. "He's four today."

"Happy birthday," Rose said, unable to stop her smile from showing her regret that the future her wasn't there. Although, for her to be here now meant that the TARDIS had to have been around here very recently. Maybe she was watching, unseen. How like The Doctor.

"Guess I'd better say goodbye then."

Rose nodded. "Yeah." She had nothing better to say.

"Are all the jumps like this?" Mickey asked, as James started playing the bongos on his head. "James!"

Rose laughed. "Mostly," she said. "Strange and back to front and heart-wrenching." But she still smiled. "I'll keep the mission report light on the details then, shall I?"

Mickey smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, you'd better."

"Bye then."

"Yeah."

"Bye James."

"Bye Auntie Rose!"

The world started to fade.

"Goodbye Rose."

It seemed that all she did was say goodbye.


	8. Dream A Little Dream

**Jump No. 35**

She felt a little woozy as her feet landed on nothingness. Where in the blessed universe was she this time?

The sparks that had engulfed her in her arrival turned to lightning and she was suddenly in the middle of a storm. Rain spattered her face and her feet found themselves in mud. Wind howled around her hair.

How odd.

"Ha ha!"

Her heart felt electric and she turned around to see him, waving a kite through the stormy sky. He had a beautiful smile on his face and was whipping the rain out of his hair, like a child in a swimming pool. She grinned, said a little prayer that this one might be the right him and approached.

"Hello Rose," he said, calmly and familiarly. The serenity in his face made her sigh. He looked beautiful. And he was undoubtedly the wrong him.

She knew that when she saw him in the right time, he would be surprised. He would be fierce and shocked and she would run to him to prove she was really there. At least she hoped. But this Doctor wasn't surprised to see her at all. Had he not even lost her yet?

"Where are we?" she asked, looking around. The area wasn't familiar, but if she had never been here, why was he expecting her?

He let go of the kite and she watched it fly away into the storm. As it flew, it took the storm with it and the sky became bluer. The mud under her feet turned to grass and with a sudden intake of breath, she smelt the traces of apple.

"Are we on New Earth?" she asked, confused.

The Doctor shrugged and took her hand in his, lazily. "I haven't seen you for weeks," he said. She frowned, bemused. His thumb traced patterns on her hand, figure eights on her skin. She swallowed and her breath hitched. She hadn't felt his hand in hers like this in so long, with such careless warmth.

"Why not?" she asked, feeling rather like none of this was real. Was she dreaming? Had she jumped at all?

'I've been busy," he answered. "I haven't slept in days," he added, rubbing his eyes with his other hand. "You look older," he said. He lined her face with his finger, stopping under her jaw.

"I am older," she said, quietly, leaning into his hand.

"Always growing older." His voice was old and sad. "And your hair is shorter," he said.

"My hair's been this short for years, Doctor," she said, although of course, he hadn't seen her for the last few. "Since Christmas and the Sycorax."

"I liked it long," he said, his hand leaving her jaw to tousle it. "But you're different now," he mused. "Different to usual…"

"What's usual?" she asked, with a laugh. He was acting so strange. Too comfortable…

"Well you haven't kissed me yet," he grinned. Her eyes widened. He looked at her expectantly and she frowned.

"When have I ever kissed you?" she asked.

"Rose…" he whined, lovingly. "let me!"

"Let you what?"

"Let me dream."

The sky darkened and turned pink and the wind picked up, blowing her hair about her face. The Doctor smiled. Rose frowned again.

"Where are we?" she asked, again.

"Well, I rather thought we were on New Earth, but if you'd prefer somewhere else…"

The sky turned inward and became the ceiling of the TARDIS. The grass under her feet became metal and she gasped. Overhead, and all around, Glen Miller played, and The Doctor held out his hand for her.

"Dance with me?"

This was bizarre. Nothing seemed real. He was relaxed and comfortable and he looked at her so openly. It was like every guard he had ever put up was down and he was welcoming her inside his mind.

She knew she had to get out of there and move on and find him and save the universe and all that…but she smiled and nodded and fell into place in his arms.

They danced like clouds, slow and wafting, the sexy sound of jazz permeating the TARDIS. He held the small of her back and his chin came to rest on her head. He planted a kiss on her crown and she sighed into him.

"I miss you," he whispered into her ear and she closed her eyes against him. "Every day."

"I know," she replied, but truthfully she had never quite known till that moment. She swayed with him and ran her fingers through his hair. "What have I missed?" she asked, a little more lightly.

"Nothing," he replied.

"You're lying."

"I had a friend," he said and again she marvelled at how little it took to get him to open up to her. "But she's gone now. Left…"

"I can't imagine anyone leaving you by choice," she said, unable to quite extinguish the little butt of jealousy that tapped her.

"She did," he said. "Completely understandable, of course. I put her through hell and she stood by me…" he trailed off, remembering something.

"Tell me," Rose crooned into his sideburns and their surroundings changed. The TARDIS was a ship and the ship was clean and quiet. There was a staircase and a cage in the corner and in the cage was…

"Doctor," Rose whispered, and released herself from his embrace. She held his hand still and looked around at the familiar room.

"The year that never happened," he said. He looked around, devastated. "Just loss…"

The rom and ship disappeared and they were back on the TARDIS, sans Glen Miller.

"Doctor," Rose said, "The man who did all that. He was a Time Lord!"

The Doctor sighed. "Oh Rose…" he walked away from her. "Don't ruin it…"

She looked at him, quizzically.

"You weren't there," he continued. "You couldn't possibly know that."

Rose opened and closed her mouth stupidly, like a fish. "Doctor –"

"Now I know you're just a dream."

The TARDIS wafted away and they were back on the apple grass of New Earth.

"Oh."

Of course. She wasn't anywhere. She hadn't jumped into The Doctor's universe this time.

She had jumped into his dreams.

This was fascinating! The Doctor would find it fascinating too, she knew. She didn't know that she could jump into dreams. Although, she supposed, it was a dimension cannon. Any dimension, any time, any space. The fact that this particular dimension only existed in The Doctor's imagination didn't make it any less real.

Did it?

She remembered back a few years earlier when he had taken her to the release of the last Harry Potter book.

"_Of course this is all in your head. But that doesn't make it any less real."_

…or something…she only read it once.

"I'm no less real," she said into his ear. That's what he had meant, that he hadn't seen her for weeks. He hadn't dreamed about her for weeks.

How often did he dream about her?

"You might be dreaming, but I'm really here, Doctor," she continued. "I'm real."

She took his face in her hands and saw such a sadness in his eyes that she choked. Was that all her?

The TARDIS disappeared again, as though answering her question and was replaced by a cliff overlooked a raging fire.

"Everything's real here," he said and looked over the cliff. The air above them exploded and loud, harsh sounds began to erupt from the earth and all around them.

"Everything I had, everything I lost…" He gestured out to the land around them.

"Where are we?" she whispered, although she had a faint feeling she already knew.

"My home. Gallifrey. In the throes of the Time War."

She held onto his hand and squeezed it.

"Everything dies. Everything ends. Except me."

The dream had turned into a nightmare. The kind she'd heard him wake screaming from every now and then on the TARDIS. Every time she had asked him to let her in, and every time he had dismissed her. _'I got stung by a wasp in my bed!'_ he'd say. _'Imagine that! A wasp in the TARDIS!'_ But she was inside his head now, seeing everything he was seeing.

A dalek exploded over their heads and Rose screamed. The Doctor held onto her tightly, but stood his ground. Rose wondered vaguely if she could die here. Was dying in a dream like dying in real life? His self might only be imaginary, but she was actually Rose Tyler, flesh and blood. Her heart started pumping quickly. She was scared now.

What about waking up? She had never jumped to a world which then ceased to exist. Would she automatically jump to a different world? Or would she, like his dream, cease to exist the moment he awoke.

Oh god.

"I have to go," she said. She pulled her phone out of her pants pocket and checked the time. The Super Phone (now the dimension cannon transmitter, thanks to Torchwood) showed that she had mere seconds before her next jump. She sighed in relief. There was an emergency button that would send her back to Pete's World if she pressed it, but the experience was painful and would land her in whatever time she was in right now, disoriented and sick. Better to let the normal cannon procedures do their thing. He wouldn't wake up in the next twenty three seconds.

She hoped.

"I have to go," she repeated.

"Rose," he froze, holding her hand so tightly.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You always go," he said, his voice small. "You leave and you die and you...please don't go."

Her heart broke. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't leave me," he whispered. "I'm scared." He looked so tiny, like a little old child in need of his mother.

"I'm coming back for you," she promised. "It's only a dream. But I'm coming. Look for the Bad Wolf. She'll be there to save you."

"Everything's only a dream," he whimpered.

She was breaking. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so open. She half-wished she had never seen him at all. Not here.

"I'll find you," she promised again, taking the hand that was latched onto hers and kissing it lightly. "I promise."

And she let go and walked away into the void, leaving The Doctor to his nightmare.

It broke her heart.


	9. The Doctor's Daughter

A/N: Apologies for the tardy update. Moving house is a pain in the patella! Terrible fun though...

**Enjoy, review, share the love**

* * *

**Jump No. 41**

Rose stumbled out of the void and wretched.

Brilliant.

"Are you alright?"

A blonde with altogether far too much energy bounded over to her and touched her shoulder. Rose flinched away. "I'm fine," she said in monotone. She just wanted to look around, not find The Doctor and move on. Again.

She had never thought it would take this long to find him. She had never dreamed that the day would come when she just wanted to go home to her mum and Mickey and Pete, but she was getting close. The thought of being reunited with The Doctor still burned fiercely inside her, but her hope was dwindling so profoundly that she couldn't help but question just why she trying to find him in the first place.

She needed him. To save the universe.

She just needed him.

"I'm Jenny," the girl in front of her said, sticking out her hand for Rose to shake. Rose took it, conscious of not being ungrateful. Her head swam as she shook the girl's hand. "Do I know you?" the girl continued, cocking her head.

"I don't think so. I'm-" she cut herself off before she could answer. Nothing good could possibly come of sharing her name. She still saw the dirty blond Time Lord behind her eyelids when she closed her eyes. She was not going to make that mistake again.

"I'm looking for someone," she corrected, taking a deep breath. The nausea was beginning to subside. Thank goodness. "The Doctor…do you know him?"

She looked around her and frowned. The dimension cannon was supposed to lock onto the TARDIS, but the blue box was nowhere to be seen. She hoped the cannon hadn't malfunctioned. That might explain the nausea; it wasn't usually that bad anymore. But if the cannon had malfunctioned, it could only have bad consequences. What if she was stuck here in this…where exactly was she? She looked around. There was metal everywhere, metal scaffolding, metal chairs, metal ceilings, ladders and floors.

"The Doctor?" Jenny repeated back to her. "You're looking for the Doctor?" Rose nodded. "So am I!"

Rose suddenly paid the girl more attention. She was bright looking, both in intelligence and disposition. Rose couldn't help but let a smile tug at her mouth. She had been that enthusiastic once. The Doctor had that effect on people.

"How do you know him?" she asked.

Jenny grinned. "He's my dad!"

_What_? "What?"

Jenny giggled at the look on Rose's face. "You're not his wife or anything, are you?" she asked.

"No, of course not," Rose said, trying to calm her painfully beating heart. The Doctor had mentioned he had children before. There was nothing wrong with him having one. He was 900. He was old. He had lived many lives. And he deserved to have children in them. She wondered if he knew she existed. She couldn't imagine that he could abandon a kid.

"Oh," Jenny said, her face falling ever so slightly. "Well, you're as white as a sheet!" she said, as evidence to her assumption.

"It's nothing like that," Rose assured. Well, it wasn't exactly nothing like that…exactly…

"Pity," Jenny said, shaking her head. "I would have loved a mum…"

_Oh_. Rose's heart suddenly went out to the girl. "What happened to _your _mum?" she asked. Her nausea was gone. It traded places with sympathy for this girl who was The Doctor's daughter. Rose knew that The Doctor would have been warm with pride at the thought that Rose's problems would come second to a complete stranger's. She ached with longing for him as she thought of him looking at her proudly. With that rise and fall of his adam's apple that came with strong spurts of emotion.

"Oh, no! I don't have one," Jenny said with a laugh. "Never did!"

"What? How?" Was this some Time Lord peculiarity that The Doctor had never explained to her? She wouldn't put it past him. He was 900 years old and had two hearts after all.

"I'm the product of non-sexual reproduction. I was born using Dad's diploid cells, which were split into haploids, and rearranged so that I didn't have two heads or anything like that…"

Rose looked at Jenny blankly. She certainly sounded like The Doctor. Speed-of-light natter that made little to no sense to anyone with an IQ under 150.

"I'm a clone," Jenny rephrased.

"Oh." Right. That made sense. She supposed. Maybe clones were the norm on...was it Gallifrey? Was that what the Dream Doctor had said?

"I'm a generated anomaly," she continued proudly.

"Jenny the generated anomaly?" Rose asked, with a smile.

"Exactly! That's what Donna called me!" Jenny shone with pride in her name.

Rose's heart lurched. "Donna?" she asked. "Donna Noble?"

Jenny nodded and beamed. "That's right. Do you know her too?"

"No," Rose said, not without frustration. "But I would really like to…"

Jenny looked at her thoughtfully for a second. "Why don't I look with you? For my father…"

Rose's heart lurched again, this time unpleasantly. There was no way. No way in this universe or any other that she could traipse around reality itself with some poor defenseless girl in tow. She couldn't however, deny that Jenny's link to The Doctor comforted her tremendously. Perhaps she would even be useful. She'd known The Doctor when he had been with Donna. Reason only stood that she would be helpful in finding him again. Maybe they were even in the right time. Just the wrong place.

"Well," Jenny prodded. "Can I?"

Rose sighed. She knew that she had to tell the girl 'no'. But she was a comfort. Something more than that, actually, and Rose wasn't entirely sure what.

"You're going to say no, aren't you?" Jenny asked, her face falling into a pout. Rose smiled grimly at her and nodded. 'Why?" Jenny continued. "I just want to find him too. I won't be a problem, I promise. I'll be helpful. I'm learning to use the vortex! I'm learning to manipulate it! Please…" she started to trail off. "I just want to find him. I don't know who I am…"

Rose saw a glint of the loneliness she knew from The Doctor's eyes. She sighed. "Jenny," she said. "You can't come with me." Jenny opened her mouth to argue. "And it's not because I don't want you to come. I do…I would…" Rose wasn't sure whether she was being truthful or not, but she supposed it didn't really matter. "But I've come all this way by myself and I have to keep going by myself. I've been traveling through universes, crossing the void. I can't take passengers. There's only room for one."

Jenny nodded. "Wait," she said, her nose scrunched in confusion. "How can you cross the void? That's impossible. Realities are locked off from each other and…" she winced and held her head. "I hate it when that happens."

"What?" Rose asked. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," said Jenny with another smile, so like The Doctor's. Always pretending to be fine when he wasn't. "Genetic memory," she explained. "It pops in and out every now and then. When I was born, the knowledge of my people was downloaded into my head. I was a soldier. But as a clone, I also hold a certain genetic memory to handle any of the quirks or requirements of the body from which I had been cloned." She was sounding more and more like The Doctor with every sentence. "Of course, a Time Lord's memory is just a little more substantial than the memories of all the other soldiers, so it takes up a lot more of my own memory than the regular program permitted. I remember things sometimes. Like how to restart my second heart. And how to manipulate the vortex, although I've never looked into it as Time Lords are supposed to in childhood. And…" she concentrated very hard. "Some part of me knows you. I can't explain it. The second I saw you crash into the room, I felt…connected to you somehow. I just don't know how…"

Rose's heart lurched. "You know me?"

Jenny shrugged. "I don't know. I think so…" she looked at Rose, concentrating and squinting. She took a step right into Rose's personal space and held her fingers to her temples. Rose gasped and jumped away, shaking slightly in fear. "What's wrong?" Jenny asked. "I won't hurt you."

Rose said nothing. The scars left on her mind from the last time still burned raw. Was this a trick? Was she that same Time Lord who had flooded her mind with torture and fear and loathing and insanity? She looked at Jenny, eyes wide and fearful. Perhaps he was disguised. Perhaps he had regenerated into the young woman before her. Was that even possible? Could Time Lords change sex upon regeneration?

"What's wrong?" Jenny asked. "I won't hurt you," she repeated. "I want to show you. I want to understand who you are…" She looked hurt.

Rose shook her head, tears threatening her tired, scared eyes. "Don't touch me," she whispered. "Please…"

"…Rose…"

Rose sunk to her knees, her legs giving way. "What?" she whispered.

Jenny knelt down next to her. "Your name," she said, kindly. "It's Rose…isn't it?"

Rose swallowed, her mouth sticky with fearful mucus. Her nausea was returning with a vengeance. She didn't answer. Couldn't answer even if she wanted to.

"I remember," Jenny said, her voice floating over Rose, calming and sincere. Jenny closed her eyes and smiled. "My father knew you well."

Rose said nothing still. Did she dare believe the girl in front of her? The Doctor would, she thought. Carefully, guardedly. But he would give her the benefit of the doubt.

"I won't hurt you," Jenny assured again, and Rose looked at her, instilling herself with courage. She was stronger than this. She had defeated that Time Lord, hadn't she? In some way she had won, she had forced him from her mind. She could do it again if she needed to.

She nodded.

Jenny smiled and put her fingers to her temples again.

_Hello._

Rose jumped as she heard the girl in her mind.

_Let me show you._

Rose saw visions in her mind like she had before, but this time they weren't plucked painfully from her memories. These were Jenny's memories, or at least the memories that Jenny had stored in her mind. The memories seemed to ask permission before entering her mind, and Rose was astounded at how gentle, even pleasant the sensation was.

Rose saw herself from the point of view of someone else. She was young and bright and beautiful.

_That's not me,_ she thought, and could hear her wordless wonderings as if she had said them aloud.

_It is,_ Jenny replied in her mind. _I can see you in my genetic memory. This is you from Dad's point of view._

Rose could feel herself blushing, though of course, it was only in her mind. A peculiar sensation, to say the least.

_Can you feel it? _Jenny asked her. Rose frowned, confused, and shook her head. _Let it in,_ Jenny commanded softly.

And then Rose could feel it. The thrum of an untamed, wilderness of a mind. The overwhelming, all-encompassing emotion of a 900 year old soul. It was warm and hazy, and made her toes curl.

_What is that?_ She asked.

_That's what I get when I think of you_, Jenny said. _This is the memory I have._

The vision stirred and Rose could see herself again, different this time. She could feel her hand on her own chest and realized that the chest she could feel as hers was actually The Doctor's in this strange memory. She could feel Jenny's confused mind upon her own.

_This was after he regenerated,_ Rose explained. _I thought he was dying. I didn't know he knew I was there._

_He knew,_ Jenny assured.

The vision blurred again and Rose could see herself, this time bathed in golden light. This memory took different shape, and she realized faintly that this was her first Doctor's memory. The bald, Northern Doctor's. She marvelled at the differences in this image, the different perception. She saw herself as nothing less than a goddess, platinum hues bouncing off her very skin.

_My god,_ she heard Jenny exclaim in her mind. _Look at you!_

Rose watched herself, wide eyed. Was this how her Doctor really saw her? She could feel the thrum of his hearts again and the swell of his awe and the sorrow of his knowledge.

_Bad Wolf…_

She tore herself out of Jenny's mind.

"Are you alright?" Jenny asked. "I didn't hurt you?"

"No…" Rose said, close to tears. She was overcome.

"That was you, wasn't it?" Jenny asked. "Those memories I have. They are of you."

Rose nodded.

"I still don't understand," Jenny said. "What did that all mean? Who are you?"

The poor girl looked as overcome as Rose felt. Overcome with the emotions of The Doctor. It was surreal. Emotions she couldn't possibly understand still flowed through her, the residual energy of Jenny's mind pulsing through her veins. Rose swallowed and beckoned the girl back to her.

"Here," she said.

And she showed The Doctor's daughter what was inside her own head.

She saw her own memories bright and beautiful, as she showed them to Jenny.

She saw The Doctor, Northern and impossibly old and full of the rage and grief she had nearly forgotten he had held.

_Is that…_

_Your father, yes._

She showed Jenny how he had regenerated, how she had taken care of him and gone with him again to explore the universe. She got caught up in her own memories, and saw things she hadn't meant to share. She saw her own jealousy at Sarah Jane Smith and Reinette Poisson. She saw her own confusion as she tried to understand her new life and the man that had become the centre of it. She saw herself, trapped, beating against the wall of the Torchwood Institute, tears streaming down her face.

She felt Jenny in her mind and worried that she had shown her too much.

_You were in love with him._

Much too much.

Rose showed her the parallel Earth and her attempts to get back to him. She showed her everything, without even meaning to. She was lost in her own memories, in her own emotions and she was taking Jenny with her, accidentally.

She felt Jenny press on her mind again and relented as Jenny replaced her memories with a memory of her own.

_I think I understand,_ she said, and Rose saw The Doctor in the TARDIS, a tear snailing down his face. She could feel immense grief and loss pulsating through her and could hear The Doctor's mind in hers.

_Rose Tyler…_

And felt him break when he realized he was too late to say it.

"Doctor…"

And she was back in her own mind, in her own body again.

"I can't help you, can I?" Jenny asked, and Rose was surprised to hear her in her ear instead of her mind.

Rose shook her head, knowing that Jenny finally understood.

Jenny surprised her again by pulling her into a tight hug. Rose laughed in response and threw her arms around the girl, resting her head on her shoulder.

"You'll find him," Jenny assured. "He still…" she frowned again, biting her lip. "You'll find him."

Rose reddened, knowing exactly what Jenny was going to say. _He still…_ She couldn't deny it either. She had felt his love, his grief for her in her own mind.

"When you find him," Jenny said, "Tell him I'm looking. He thinks I'm dead."

Rose's heart went out to her. "I will," she said. "I promise."

"Good luck, Rose," Jenny said with a smile. "I'll see you again."

Rose nodded, and hoped that was true.

And as if cued down to the second, she was engulfed by the void again.


	10. The Red Bicycle

**Jump No. 43  
**

It was dark.

Rose made a surprised noise. It shouldn't be all that surprising to be in the dark, really. Half the day was night, after all.

She looked up and saw the very familiar silhouette of the Powell Estate looming over her. She made another noise. What was she doing here?

She looked around her for any other clues, time being the most important. If she was here, then it was likely that _she_ was here too, another her in some other year, visiting her mum with a basketful of washing and The Doctor.

Fairy lights lit tiny pockets of the building. Rose could see the tops of trees from inside the windows of the Powell Estate. It was Christmas! She walked toward her building and found a Spice Girls poster on the wall, near the door to the stairs. She squinted at it and frowned. It must be the late nineties. They'd never visited her mum in the late nineties…

Satisfied that she wouldn't run into herself, she pushed the door open and walked up the stairs. She supposed she could run into herself, really, but that self would only be eleven or twelve and probably asleep. She didn't remember ever running into herself in the middle of the night as a preteen, so Rose wasn't too worried. Still, she'd have to be careful.

She found the door to the unit she shared with her mum and rested a hand on the door. To her surprise, the door creaked open. That was odd. Her mum always kept the door locked. Something was wrong…

Rose pushed the door open and looked inside, making sure she kept her body clear from the line of sight of anyone inside the house. She scanned the hall and saw nobody. She stepped inside, and closed the door behind her, trying to stay as quiet as possible. She crept down the hall and into the living room where she found –

"You!"

She was shocked. Too shocked to say anything properly, although shocked was really the wrong word. Far too common to explain the way her heart was racing at the sight of the man in front of her. Short cropped hair, leather jacket and green sweater, eyes that sparked of rage and wonder…

"What part of 'stay in the TARDIS and go to sleep' do you humans not understand?"

Rose nearly squeaked. She couldn't help the enormous grin that was threatening to crack her face open. She looked The Doctor up and down (The Doctor!), taking in that Northern accent with a deep breath that sought to lower her heart rate. She smelt the leather of his jacket with her breath and her heart twinged like a guitar string, poorly played. He paid her little attention, his eyes and hands on the red bicycle in front of him.

"That's my bike!" she said.

"I told you, red bicycle when you were twelve."

She nodded, remembering that conversation. It seemed like lifetimes ago. She supposed it was really, at least for him. She never thought she'd see him again like this, but here he was, just like he used to be. It felt strange.

"Mum told me I got that bicycle from my uncle in Wales," she said.

"Ah," The Doctor chimed with a smile, "I was wondering how to get around that. Nobody accepts anonymous gifts these days, not even your mother. Thank you, Rose Tyler." He took a pen out of his jacket pocket. "Dear Rose," he said as he wrote. "Merry Christmas. From Uncle…"

"Bill," Rose filled in.

"Uncle Bill. There. Good. Fantastic!"

Rose really did squeak this time. _Fantastic! _The Doctor noticed. He frowned.

"What's wrong?" he said, looking at her properly for the first time.

"Nothing," Rose said, a little too quickly.

"What's happened?" he asked, "You look different."

"I was…" she fumbled for a lie, any lie, "I was tired of waiting for you. Years past, Doctor. Years!" she joked, wondering vaguely whether she actually talked to The Doctor like that back then. Then he had been all brooding looks and short answers, not like the flirty, playful model she had grown accustomed to since his regeneration. She stuck her tongue out from under her teeth. At least she hadn't lied, exactly. Not that he'd ever know that.

"I tried to find some wine, but it looks like Jackie Tyler's only got – "

"Jack!"

Rose froze again, this time her gaze pressed into the body of one Jack Harkness.

"Woah!"

"I told you she wouldn't do what she was told," Her ninth Doctor grumbled. "Apes…"

She grinned.

"What's wrong with you?" Jack asked, staring and frowning at her. "What happened to your hair?"

Rose giggled under her breath. Trust Jack to notice her hair. Slight concern that she was messing with her past bubbled in her throat.

"She's crossing her timeline," The Doctor said, and Rose was both very impressed and vaguely disappointed that he had realized. "Aren't you?"

He looked straight at her, straight into her, and Rose felt nervous butterflies in her stomach. She forgot how searing that blue stare had once been.

"How'd you know?" she asked, feeling so much like a child in front of him, like the child she had been when she had met him.

"You're older," he said, and she could see something stirring behind his eyes. Something that liked the fact that she was older and was concerned by it at the same time. Mysterious. He was always like this, this Doctor. How had she forgotten? "And you smell different."

"What?"

"Like void stuff," The Doctor said, and this time he didn't look at all impressed.

"That's impossible," Jack replied. "You can't travel through the void!"

"Maybe _you_ can't!" Rose shot back, tongue between her teeth. Jack grinned. God, but she'd forgotten that too. That grin.

"Where are we, then?" Jack asked back, always one for a stand off. Rose tried to keep the grin on her face. _We._ Of course he would assume that he was still there, traveling with them. What kind of man would he be if he assumed otherwise? If he assumed that he was dead? Not Jack Harkness.

"She can't answer that," The Doctor said, standing up between them.

"He's right," Rose agreed. "Can't answer that."

The Doctor smirked at her. "Well, you've learned something in the last few years."

"Oh yes," Rose trumpeted back, mimicking The Doctor's later self. "Don't cross timelines, don't touch yourself as a baby and never ever trust a cat!"

"Never trust a cat?"

"Sorry," she said, zipping her lip, "Can't tell you that either." She stuck her tongue out. The Doctor's eyes narrowed. Too flirty? She couldn't remember.

"No way," Jack said, "You are not getting away with that. Besides, what if the TARDISes get confused? We might leave with yours and you'd be stuck with yourself."

The Doctor shot Jack a warning glare.

"We won't get confused," she said.

"Then we _are_ around here somewhere?"

The Doctor shot the glare at her this time.

"No," she said, with measure. "I'm on my own."

The Doctor didn't, couldn't understand what she had meant, but the look he gave her now was understanding enough. What it was he understood, she wasn't quite sure. Was it that Jack was now dead, left to rot on a Game Station thousands of years in the future? Was it that he had regenerated, leaving this old, beautiful body to dust, for a completely different man? Or did he know that she really was on her own, with no Doctor and no companion and next to no hope?

She could only hope he didn't know.

But that look in his eyes said that he did. That look. Dark and old and full of grief. She hadn't seen it in such a long time. She wondered if it was a quirk of regeneration that got rid of it, or whether she had something to do with it. She hoped it was the latter. She hoped she had made him better.

"You shouldn't be here," The Doctor said.

"Come on," Jack said, ever ready for an adventure. "This is great. She can tell us what's coming next!"

"No, she can't."

"Sure she can! So Rose…tell me. Do you and I ever…" He waved his arms around, suggestively.

Rose laughed. "Jack!"

"Is that a no?"

"Jack!"

"Is that a yes?"

She walked over to him and hit him on the arm. He nudged her back and they laughed together.

"Will you two keep it down? Jackie Tyler could wake any moment, and I do not want to have to explain this." His voice sounded more protective than she remembered. Jealous or something. Had he felt that way all that time ago? Surely not…

Rose zipped her lips again, giggles trickling out from between her lips. Jack giggled along with her, eyes raking her face.

"You look so different," Jack said brushing her hair out of her eyes in that ever-so Jack Harkness way.

"You have no idea how many times I've heard that lately," she said. Sometimes from her own mouth. Everything, everyone was different lately. Such was base jumping. "He's right though," she said, gesturing to The Doctor. "I shouldn't be here."

The Doctor looked at her again, curious, but knowing better than to ask. She could see his brain ticking over, trying to figure out what had brought her there.

"Stop it," she said, walking over to him. "I can see what you're doing and you should know better. Stop it."

The Doctor looked taken aback. She supposed he wasn't used to her talking to him like this. Back then she had been far too awe struck to see him as an equal…as a…well, best not to think of it right now. No need to confuse the poor Time Lord further by accidentally looking at him like he was…well, him.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't try to fill in the blanks. Time Lords. Jumping to conclusions!" She smiled, thinking of the future Doctor with the bow tie and wondered whether he had gotten that line from her, from this visit. Her head ached with the backwards time. "You'll find out eventually," she said.

"You're all grown up," The Doctor said, his voice quiet. He touched her face, and she sighed into his palm. This Doctor made her feel so safe, so looked after. "There's something…behind your eyes…"

She wondered what it was that he saw. Was it grief? Exhaustion? The love for him that she hadn't yet developed when he was like this?

Or was it the residual energy of the Bad Wolf that he saw? The golden spark that the blond Time Lord had seen and had shrunk away from…

There was so much to come for this Doctor.

"I've missed you," she said, before she could stop herself, and she touched his face too, lining the crease between his eyes with her thumb. "This you," she clarified. "This…now. This you. This…young you…" she backtracked. Oh dear. She hoped he hadn't understood what she had accidentally meant.

"Hey!" Jack called, "No-one's giving me a stroke!"

Rose laughed again, loud and full. Trust Jack Harkness to break the tension with a lewd joke.

"Oi! Who's there?"

All three froze.

"I can hear you out there! I'm armed, I tell you!"

A horrified look passed between them as fast as lightening.

"Mum!"

"Oh shi-"

"Run!"

The last word came from The Doctor, and Rose was delighted when he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. She in turn reached for Jack and together, the three of them bolted out of the house and down the stairs. They practically fell out of the building, Jack and Rose laughing loudly.

"I can't believe that nearly happened!" Rose cried with laughter.

"You are incorrigible," Jack said.

"I don't know why I ever listen to you two," The Doctor said, storming away. "Do you realise what could have happened if Jackie had seen us?"

Rose slipped her tongue between her teeth and hugged The Doctor from behind. "You love it," she said, feeling nineteen again. "I know things now, and I know you love it!"

Jack laughed behind her and she gave him a grin.

"Come have a drink with us, Rose!" he said, holding her hand. "Tell us our future!"

"She can't!" The Doctor said for the millionth time.

"He's right," Rose said again. "I can't. Besides…" she said, the moment's joy turning cold in the wake of her mission still to come. "I have to go soon."

"Do you have to?"

Rose nodded. "I really do. Like I said, I shouldn't be here."

The Doctor looked at her, full in the face. She could see dark, brooding questions bubbling under his stiff lip.

"We'll be fantastic," she said with a huge smile, but she knew that her eyes betrayed her. She put her hands on his shoulders and planted a kiss on his nose, on tiptoes. "Thanks for the bike," she said. She raced to Jack and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Goodbye Jack," she said, nuzzling into him. She never thought she would see him again, yet here he was, alive and well and beautiful…

_For once everyone lives._ She smiled at the memory.

Sometimes this base jumping thing was ok.

"Bye Rose," Jack said and Rose kissed him on the nose too.

"Bye," she said again, this last time to The Doctor. She took in his face, his piercing blue eyes, his nearly bald head, his huge, all-hearing ears and his leather jacket. It was strange to think that his jackets had defined him. This one was dangerous and safe all at once, and his trench coat was like life to her, unexplainable and right and…

She had a fantastic idea!

"Where's your TARDIS?" she asked suddenly. "You know…so I don't get confused."

"Around the corner," said The Doctor.

"But we're not going back yet," Jack interrupted. "There is beer to be had in London Town!"

"You're going for beer?" she asked The Doctor, teasing.

"The things I do for my companions," he said back, eyes twinkling just a little.

"You sure you won't join us?" Jack asked.

"Nah," Rose said, all smiles, "I've got something more important to do!"

And with that, she ran away from the two men, waving and giggling under her breath. She ran around the corner of her building, fumbling in her jacket for the key she knew was sitting there, aching to be used again.

"Ha!" she cried in triumph as she simultaneously pulled out the key and stumbled upon a beautiful blue police box. "Hello you," she said lovingly, as she unlocked the door.

She barely had a moment to greet the old machine as she raced down its halls toward one particular room. She knew she didn't have much time and if she wasn't quick, she might get pulled into the void before she had a chance to fulfil her mission. She was very careful to remain quiet so that she didn't wake her other self, who was undoubtedly sleeping peacefully somewhere within the TARDIS's many rooms.

Finally, she found the room she was looking for.

The wardrobe.

She ran down the little alleys of the enormous costume room, looking for one particular jacket…

"There you are!"

She found it, huddled next to a red suit and a pair of overalls. Her regenerated Doctor's brown trench coat.

She pulled it out and ran a hand along its length. It was coarse and welcoming under her fingers. She sighed into the fibres and took in its smell; old and rounded, like the smell of a childhood teddy. All it was missing was the smell of _him,_ that spice of excitement and masculinity. That heady tang that made it perfect.

Rose reached around her and found a pen and a piece of paper, thanking the stars that The Doctor kept his wardrobe in such a messy state of disarray. She scrawled on the little piece of paper and chuckled to herself, her heart light and truly feeling like she was Rose again – Rose who traipsed the universe with her Doctor without a care in the world.

She felt the void tug lightly on her and knew she only had a few seconds left. She kissed the little piece of paper and took a last look at it before slipping it into the coat pocket and succumbing to the void.

"_Pick this one. It's sexy._

_Love Rose, 2008"_

_

* * *

_

**please review**_  
_


	11. Repeats

_A/N: This has been my favourite chapter to write so far. I'm not quite sure what that says about me...  
_

* * *

**Jump No. 46  
**

Rose walked tiredly out of the void, into a familiar stairwell. She sighed in exhaustion and looked behind her, as though she might see some ghost of the last jump, but there was nothing there except the stark white walls of the Torchwood Institute.

She sighed again, counting jumps in her head. Had she finally made it to a rest period?

She frowned at the very thought. The last time she had thought she'd reached a rest period she had rebelled at the very idea. She hadn't been ready to rest, she hadn't been ready to give up for a couple of days. She wanted, nay, needed to find The Doctor and there was no way that little things like the need to sleep were going to slow her down.

Now? Well, she didn't want to say it, still couldn't say it, but she was ready. Ready for a break. Not to give up. Readiness to give up meant readiness to give him up, give the world up, the universe, reality itself. And she had no right to give any of those things up.

But she kind of, sort of wanted to.

She brushed away the thought with a sharp click of her tongue. Thinking like this did no-one any good. She just had to suck it up. She just had to find him, for christ's sake!

She took in a deep breath and fought back the angry stab at the back of her throat that marked an oncoming onslaught of tears. She was stronger than this. She was better than this. She had to be. Someone had to be.

She pushed the nearest door open and slammed her body through the open space, into whichever room of whichever floor of the Torchwood building she had jumped into.

She froze.

Of all the places in all the dimensions in all the god damned universe, she just had to land here. Now.

She nearly threw herself on the floor and screamed right then and there, but she restrained. She used the last of her self-respect and restrained, transfixed, as she watched the scene in front of her.

There was an argument. She didn't need her ears to know what was going on. She was there, Rose Tyler, aged twenty and fearless, telling her companion that she would never leave him.

No.

Not here. Anywhere but here.

…_please…_

A small part in the back of her mind that had learnt to compartmentalize thanks to her time with The Doctor noted how odd it was that no-one had noticed her. She had slammed the door open. Were they really that self-absorbed in that moment not to know she was there?

Of course they were, she shot back to herself. _Look at them, look at her…me…_

She chuckled in the back of her throat, deep and mean. How could she ever have thought that he didn't know how she felt about him when she looked at him like that? There was nothing but devotion on her face. Devotion and desperation and love.

This was torture.

"I made my choice long ago and I'm never gonna leave you!" She heard herself say.

She nearly laughed at her younger self. Such naivety. Such aggravating promise.

She looked over at The Doctor who was angrily punching into the computer with his fingers. She hadn't understood that anger before. The first time she had been here. She understood it now.

There she was, so full of life, so unable to understand that time and space would eventually rip them apart. She had been living for the beautiful promise of the future and The Doctor had been clawing at each last detail of the present. He was used to being ripped apart from those he loved. And he had known in that moment, and many moments before, that she would be ripped from him. He'd known. Perhaps he hadn't known that it would be this particular day, but he had known it was coming. And he had protected himself from it by being him. Being aloof and mysterious and smart.

But she had given herself to him completely. Everything she was, everything she had. And in the last few seconds she had made it official. Nothing to go home to, no one else to live for. Just The Doctor.

She'd literally given him everything she had.

And then she'd lost him too.

"That's more like it, bit of a smile! The old team," she watched herself say with a smile that shone of a love beyond her twenty years.

"Hope and Glory, Mutt and Jeff, Shiver and Shake!" The Doctor picked up a magnaclamp and walked over to her. The other her. She felt a deep, deafening thud in the pit of her stomach. This was it. The moment that ruined her life, playing back in front of her like some terrible B-grade horror film.

"Which one's Shiver?"

"Oh, I'm Shake."

And there it was. That careless abandon that she hadn't quite understood the first time around. He was letting go of it all for the first time, taking hold of the present and hoping for the future, just like she was. And he only had seconds. Seconds of hope until she was gone and he would go back to…what exactly? Back to clutching to the present? What present had she left him with?

Loneliness, regret and failure.

It was what she was left with, at least.

This was why The Doctor never planned. Moments like these. And she had changed him, in that moment, to hope.

And then she had proved him right.

It didn't do to hope. It didn't help to plan.

It just made the pain worse, in the end.

"Let's do it!" The Doctor cried, bringing Rose out of her mind and back into the moment. She crouched down into the corner and braced herself. It wouldn't matter if she got pulled into the void; the dimension cannon would kick in eventually and she would get thrown somewhere else, anyway. She had nothing to fear from letting go. Not this time. But she wanted to watch. The masochist Rose Tyler wanted to watch her world crumble.

She watched as the other Rose and The Doctor held on to the magnaclamps. She held on too, watching on, entranced, as one would a car-wreck. She couldn't look away. Maybe she'd hold on long enough to see The Doctor when it was all over. Would he cry? She'd seen him shed tears for her in Jenny's genetic memory, but that had been after Bad Wolf Bay. What about here, now? Would he cry like she had? Bash his hands against the wall and call her name?

No. Of course he wouldn't. He was The Doctor.

Her stomach squirmed and she decided she didn't really want to see that anyway. She had seen him cry three times now, in her jumps and had no desire to see it again. He had cried in Jenny's mind, in his own dreams, and in that frightening scene in the TARDIS, when he had called himself The Time Lord Victorious. When he had sought to change history.

Her heart slammed against her chest.

She could do it. She could change history. She had the dimension cannon. She could rush in as the lever went offline and fix it, so that the other her would never have to let go. She could save herself and The Doctor. They could be together forever, just like they had finally planned. She could fix it all and never have to know the gripping, consuming hatred of everything and everyone and it would be fantastic!

Her heart smashed back into place.

This is what he had felt like. That other Doctor. The Time Lord Victorious. She was shaking with the possibility of her own power and she could feel the excess time energy of the Bad Wolf soaring through her veins, begging her to try it. She was all-powerful, omnipotent Goddess and she could change time if she wanted. She could repair it and make it beautiful again.

She could.

But she wouldn't.

And oh, how it hurt.

She glided along the floor, toward the void and tried desperately to hang on to something, anything. Cybermen and Daleks whirred passed her into the white wall. The Doctor and the other Rose grinned and cried out in triumph.

"Offline."

And now it was time for the end. She watched herself morbidly as she struggled to fix the lever. She couldn't tear her eyes away. She tried to stop herself from falling into the void so that she could watch, just to make sure she was saved. Which was ridiculous of course, because she had lived through this the first time, and knew that she would be saved. By Pete Tyler, her father and the reason she was alive today. She shuddered to think of what would have happened had he not chosen that exact moment to jump back to their reality. How had he known?

Sometimes the universe was full of miracles, her father had said. And he had never spoken more of it.

"Rose, hold on!"

This was it. Pete Tyler was about to appear. She was going to let go.

"HOLD ON!"

Where was he? She slid further toward them, hoping he wouldn't see her.

Come on, Pete Tyler! Where was he?

And then she realized.

Of course the universe wasn't full of miracles. The universe was full of time-travel and aliens and her, Rose Tyler.

Stupid, she thought. Of course he couldn't know when she would let go. Of course he wouldn't know where to stand. Only someone who had been there before and seen it happen could possible know that.

Only her.

She clutched onto the leg of a table and reached into her pants pocket, fumbling in her haste. She pulled out her Super Phone, the dimension cannon transmitter. It could send her back to Pete's World with the press of a button. She'd chosen not to use it when she had been stuck in The Doctor's dreams, but this time, there was more at stake than her life. This time it was her life and the history of the last few years. She took one last look at herself and The Doctor, knowing this was the moment and took a deep breath in before pushing that big threatening red button.

* * *

"Rose!"

She wheezed and wretched and screamed as her body fell into a heap on the floor.

"Rose, are you alright, sweetheart?"

She could feel her mother's arms around her, distantly, scorching her burning skin. The scientists weren't kidding when they said the emergency reset was painful.

"Get off me!" she shouted and jumped to her feet. She cried in pain as her limbs readjusted themselves.

"Rose, what's wrong? What happened to your clothes? Rose!"

"Mum, shut up!" she shouted, hoarsely. Her mother shrunk back and she felt immediately sorry. It wasn't her mother's fault. She didn't understand. But she really didn't have time for this. She needed Pete.

"Pete!" she said, seeking him out. Her eyes were swimming and she felt like vomiting. She took a deep breath and held herself back. There wasn't time.

"Rose, what's going on?" Pete asked, measured and systematically. Good old Pete.

"Stand here," she said, grabbing him and pulling him into place. "Sorry," she said, non-commitally as he tripped through her rough hold. 'I'm about to fall. Catch me. Be ready." She punched the yellow button around his neck and he disappeared, his face confused but strong.

She collapsed.

"Rose!" It was Mickey this time. He ran to her and held her, helping her to her feet.

"I was never here," she said, in the sternest voice she could manage. "You can't ever tell me I was here. Ever. Never talk about it, never think about it. Never!"

There wasn't time for them to understand, and there wasn't time for her to escape. She ran from them, kicking the door open and charging out of the room. The other her would appear in seconds. She had to be gone by the time she got there.

She ran and ran, as her legs burned and her breath caught and her heart screamed, until the void finally took her away from the pain.

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_Please review :-)_


	12. Bad Wolf

A/N: Wowsers, this one's just a bit wibbly wobbly...but the idea hit me and I couldn't leave it well enough alone. I hope it translated out of my head well enough, it was difficult to get enough exposition without The Doctor or Rose being out of character or giving away the future. And I stuck myself into a corner way back in Chapter 2 when I mentioned that The 11th Doctor had never said Rose's name aloud before. Timey whimey...it's confusing stuff!

I was thinking of possibly making this little idea into something of a spin off. A bit of a follow up to this moment, post Journey's End. Let me know your thoughts. (If I do, I will call it "_Children's Stories_" in case you want to find it...if I write it...)

_**please review**_

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**Jump No. 48**

Wind blasted cold and fierce on Rose's face as she ran out of the void and into the newest reality. She gasped at the razor-blade gust against her cheek and touched her hands to her face in protection.

"Ah. It's you. Good."

Rose whipped her head around to find the owner of that somewhat familiar voice. Odd; she was used to being the one to start conversations with the 'Ah, it's you' bit.

Ah. It was _him_.

She supposed that explained quite a bit, really.

"Hello," he grinned, looking exactly the same as he had the last time she had seen him. This him, at least. The last time she had seen the him she was used to seeing, he was taller, thinner (if possible), more brunette and far less baby-faced. Still, it was him, and it was nice to see him in any form, with any face, even if he was wearing a ridiculous bow tie.

Goodness, was she beginning to enjoy getting it wrong now? Perplexing…

"Hello," she replied, brushing the wind behind her ears. She grinned as she watched his eyes follow her; first at her eyes, then the hair, lingering on the mouth just a little and wandering up and down her body ever so quickly and gentlemanly. Never staring.

"Good," he said, breaking his own silence. He clapped his hands together. "Good. Right. Well…" he looked her up and down once more. "I really don't know how I'm here, but I'd better make the most of it. You may not believe it right now, but I'm The Doctor."

"Yes."

"And even though – wait, what do you mean '_yes'_? How did you know that?" He asked, pouting and brushing his fringe further into his eyes. "New face!"

Rose giggled at his indignancy. Was he upset that he didn't get to make the grand reveal properly?

"We've met," she said simply.

"We have?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "Why can't I ever meet women in the right order," he grumbled to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing. That's…" he struggled with himself for a moment. "That's beside the point."

Rose nodded, disbelievingly. "Right…"

"Anyway," he continued. "You've seen me. That's good. Very good. If you've met me but I haven't met you, that means there's a me in the future and that means that Amy Pond is going to remember. Very good."

Rose raised an eyebrow.

"Hello," he said again, his eyes slackening.

"Hello," she replied with a smile. She knew what that look was now. Forty-something reality jumps were enough to tell her. He moved in to embrace her, but apparently thought better of it, and ended the movement with a strange bob from foot to foot. Rose giggled.

"Come here," she said, rolling her eyes and pulled him into her arms.

He smelt different, this Doctor. Sweeter somehow than the last, who smelt of spice and masculinity and younger than her first, who smelt of leather and wisdom. He froze in her arms at first, then relaxed into her shoulders.

"Quite right, too," he said, his voice familiar and foreign and blowing hot breath into her ear. She shivered.

"Well," he said, smoothing his hair, "I probably don't have much time – "

"That's my line!" Rose protested.

"Yes, I suppose it is," The Doctor said, with that same smile and those same eyes. "But not right now. This is my mission." He pointed at her and she made a face. "This is very important."

"What is?"

"There's a very long story that I could tell you but I'd be wasting what little time I have, and unfortunately for the both of us, my TARDIS is exploding through the universe and can't bring me back some other time."

"What?"

"Right…sorry." The Doctor turned on the spot. "The most important thing you need to know is that I need your help."

"You need my help?" Rose asked, disbelievingly. "No, Doctor. I need your help. Well, another you. The stars -"

"Are disappearing, I know," he said. "Now that's interesting, actually. Two different events happening throughout all space and time at the same time. That's very interesting. The Big Bang and the…well, the anti-Big Bang, I suppose. But with any luck, they'll both meet a happy ending."

Rose stared at him. It wasn't really the same, when this Doctor babbled. His speech itself was a little slower and his accent just a touch different. Somehow the slight differences made it even more confusing to reconcile his two selves than when his Northern self had regenerated.

He seemed to have noticed Rose's blank look because he sighed and took her hands in his. He looked her evenly in the eyes.

"The thing is," he said, his voice as measured as his gaze. "I'm about to die."

"No!" Rose said and took a step away from him, letting go of her hands. Her whole body cried at her to grab hold of him, but she stood, staring, unable to touch him. "Will you regenerate?"

"I don't know," he said. "I don't think so."

"No…" she said again, this time in a whisper. No way. He couldn't just die. He was The Doctor. "No! I've seen you in the future! You can't die!"

"Exactly, which hopefully means that Amy Pond brings me back."

"From the dead?"

"Yes, I suppose."

Rose nodded, considering for a moment. "Then what do you need me for?"

The Doctor chuckled. "I'd forgotten how observant you are…" he murmured, fondly. "I wonder…when you met me in the future, did you ask where you were?"

Rose frowned. "I shouldn't tell you what happens in the future, Doctor. You've taught me better than that."

He smiled again. "Yes I have," he said. "But this is not for my benefit. Did you?"

"Yes."

"What did I tell you?"

"Not to jump to conclusions."

He chuckled again. "How evasive."

"Well you're still _you,_" she replied. "It's what you're doing now, yeah? Evading the question?"

"Something like that," he said. "I can't really tell you."

"Then how am I supposed to help you?"

The Doctor took a step even closer toward her and looked at her face. His eyes darted between hers, his whole head moving to look at each feature of her face. "You trust me, don't you?" he asked. "Even with this face?"

Rose tried not to laugh as he looked at her. This Doctor clearly had none of the personal-space respect that the brunette version had. Not even a fraction of the Northern model's. She wondered if he was like this with everyone, and from the otherwise non-emotive look on his face, she figured he was.

"I trust you," she replied.

"Good," he said. "Very good. So just listen. Very soon, I'm going to disappear. But not for long, hopefully. Oh Amy Pond, hopefully. But when I do, other things might disappear too. Namely…" he grimaced. "Namely…things," he said, with an evasive wave of his hands. "Oh, this is very not easy."

"Just say it," Rose said, encouragingly. "Go on, say it!"

The Doctor flinched and looked away from her, but Rose didn't understand why. 'Don't say that," he said, emotionlessly, as his eyes wandered anywhere but toward her own. "Just...anyway, it's not that simple," he said, all traces of discomfort gone. "You're not going to remember what I'm telling you right now. Because I'll be gone."

"Where are you going?" Rose asked, concern and a little flower of fear beginning to grow in her stomach.

"I don't know," he said, wonderingly. "Haven't really thought about it, I guess. But when I do, you need to be prepared. Amy might not be able to bring me back for you."

"What?" How was bring him back any different to bringing him back _for her?_ What did that even mean?

"Spoilers," The Doctor said, waving her off. "Urgh," he added, looking at her as though he had said something lewd. "That's not right, is it?"

Rose sighed loudly and frustratedly. This Doctor made no sense whatsoever.

"Right, sorry…" The Doctor said, getting back to task. "One day I might disappear and you're going to have to remember me," he said. "Except that you won't be able to remember me because you won't remember I exist. And you won't know I've disappeared because I won't have existed in the first place. Hmmm…"

"But you do exist," Rose said quietly, with no level of understanding. "Of course you exist."

"Of course," The Doctor agreed in exasperation. "Let's try this again. In a few years, two or three perhaps, you're going to be very very sad and not know why."

"How do you know?" Rose asked.

"Because I will have disappeared and you won't remember. But you'll be sad."

"And not understand why."

"Exactly!" He smiled at her again, with that wide, strange, new smile.

"Assuming it would make me sad of course," she said and stuck her tongue between her teeth.

"Cheeky," The Doctor said, his eyes darting around her as though he was trying to concoct the perfect retort. "Oh but we don't have time for this…" he wandered on the spot. "In two or three years time, when you suddenly feel sad…or not…" he added with a wink, "I need you to remember….remember what?" He ran a hand through his hair again. "You can't remember me because I don't exist."

"Then won't I forget this conversation anyway?" Rose asked.

The Doctor sighed. "Probably. I need something else. Something outside me. Amy has the wedding, something old, something new…I need a story, something you already know…I need…" he trailed off. "I have to do this. I can't let you lose me again."

Rose raised her eyebrow. He couldn't let her lose him again. Something about that sounded strange.

"Where are we, anyway?" The Doctor asked.

Rose looked around her. "A beach," she said. "Bad Wolf Bay, I think. But how are you here then?" Surely if she finally succeeded in her mission, the walls to the different realities would reseal. There was no way The Doctor could possibly be here. Unless it was happening again…

The Doctor nodded. "That just proves it. I'm being deleted from every reality, not just mine. Which makes this too important. Too important for me to…" he trailed off again, although this time it was with a fierce look of surprise in his eye. Rose knew that look. She had never seen in on this Doctor, but she knew what it meant. He had thought of something.

"Bad Wolf," he said, eyes wide.

Rose looked at him, waiting for him to share. "Bad Wolf Bay, yeah."

"That's…that's…no…"

She smiled again. He really did sound like the old him.

"That's it!" he said, and he exploded with a parade of Doctor-speak. "The story I need, the something that has nothing to do with me, that you could remember without me. Bad Wolf!"

Rose took a few seconds to digest The Doctor's lightning-fast explanation. "But the Bad Wolf is about you," she said.

"No," The Doctor corrected. "The Bad Wolf is you. More than that, The Bad Wolf is just a character. Just a story."

"The Big Bad Wolf," Rose said. From Little Red Riding Hood.

"Exactly," The Doctor said, grinning wildly. "Oh, but I'm good. This whole time, Bad Wolf has been Bad Wolf and I never asked why."

"To save you," said Rose. "You knew that. Bad Wolf existed to save you."

"No," The Doctor countered. "Well, yes…of course yes. But why Bad Wolf? Why not something else? Why not…'Evil Bean' or 'Spotty Dog? Why those words?"

"I don't know…" Rose said. _Evil bean?_

"To save me!" The Doctor cried, joyously.

"Didn't I just say that?" Rose asked, arms crossed.

"It's the story I need. Bad Wolf. All these years, all this time, Bad Wolf has existed to save me from the Daleks, yes, but to save me from this too! So that this one fantastic, brilliant human can save me once again."

Rose smiled at the way he described her. At the adoration. _This one fantastic, brilliant human._ He was so unguarded. Almost like he knew it didn't matter if he showed her now. She wondered why it didn't matter.

"What do I need to do?" she asked. She watched as he paced, and as the wind swept his too-long hair around his head.

"Okay. Here are my instructions. As soon as all this business is over, with the stars disappearing and realities collapsing, I need you to buy a copy of Little Red Riding Hood. Take me with you to buy it. Me and your mother."

Rose went to argue. Surely her mother wouldn't be with them when this was all over. She'd be here in Pete's World, and they would be traveling the cosmos. She closed her mouth before she said anything. He was The Doctor. He'd lived through it already, after all. So who was she to disagree?

"Now," he continued. "Every time you get sad, I need you to read that story. And think about The Bad Wolf. The Big Bad Wolf. It needs to become second nature. So engrained that you don't even remember why you do it. You just do."

"So that when you disappear, I'll be sad and read it, and it won't matter that I've forgotten this conversation because it will just be habit, yeah?"

"Yeah."

He was smiling at her with that smile again. She shivered. Whether it was from the cold wind or from him, she didn't know. She didn't care either, really.

"So I'll disappear, but you'll just be unexplainably sad. You'll read Little Red Riding Hood and think of the Big Bad Wolf. The Bad Wolf that any other time, would make you think of me. And so it will, subconsciously, because some things can never be forgotten. If Amy Pond can remember Rory Williams, you can certainly remember a big space event like me."

"Don't think all that much of yourself, do you?" she joked, tongue in teeth.

"Remembering the Bad Wolf should be enough," he said, quietly, seeming pleased he had completed his mission. "The DoctorDonna will live another day…"

"What?"

He clenched his jaw. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry you're fighting and I'm sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry I won't be able to…" he trailed off again. "He's me. Don't you ever forget that."

Rose didn't have the slightest idea what he was talking about but she nodded in any case. His voice was beginning to become raspy and desperate. She knew that voice. She had heard it a few times now in her time base jumping. He was being reckless and desperate and over-sharing.

A small part of her marvelled at how much of him she understood now.

"He's me."

Rose shrugged. "He's you."

He began to fade, right before her eyes and her heart dug into the bottom of her stomach like a rusty shovel. The sight was all too familiar. Bad Wolf Bay, a disappearing Doctor. Not the right one, but still. It was the worst day of her life, all over again.

"It's time to go," he said. "I'm sorry."

"You're scared," she countered. Oh, how she knew him now.

He swallowed, his smaller-than-she-was-used-to Adam's Apple bobbing in his throat.

"Till we meet again, so I'm told," he said with a weak smile.

"Goodbye Doctor," Rose whispered, and The Doctor faded into nothingness.

Rose gasped, then sighed, the ever-bubbling tears of base jumping looming just behind her eyelids. She wandered down the sands of the beach she hated most in all reality and hummed to herself, certain that singing the words themselves would only invite the tears to stay.

"_Who's afraid of the Bid Bad Wolf, _

_No, no, no, not me…"_

She supposed she'd better start the habit now.


	13. The Service

_A/N: Many many thanks for reading and for your beautiful feedback. _

_

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**Jump No. 50**

The first thing Rose noticed was that she was inside. The second was that nobody else had seemed to notice her there. The usual lightning crack or ball of light were absent, and the only thing that seemed to note her passing through was the sudden presence of an extra body in the room, and a slight gust of air that brushed through the large space.

Nobody seemed to notice.

It was an odd thing, to come and go through so many places and worlds and times and universes and remain so unnoticed. She had done so fifty times now. Half a century. She could feel it in her joints now, the exhaustion of the fifty holes she had torn in the fabric of reality.

She wondered briefly whether her milestone was worthy of a party. Jackie was always up for a party, even if it was for something as morbid as fifty failed attempts to find The Doctor. She imagined it for a second. Wine, dancing, Mickey and Jake and the Torchwood team throwing streamers and cutting a cake for the cutting of the universe. She could just see her non-father, covered in silly string and singing a light dirge in her honour, face red with drunkenness. She giggled.

A man turned around and glared at her, angrily. She took a step back and put up her arms in surrender. Come on, it was one giggle.

She took a second to look around her. How unusual that she hadn't already. This was becoming far too much of a routine, this base jumping, and it frightened her just how little she cared about where she was.

She cared now though, curious at the man's horror. Giggling apparently wasn't allowed in…she looked around…oh. A church. That was fair, she supposed. Churches weren't generally places for giggling.

She stood on her toes to look over the heads in front of her toward the altar. Was it called an altar? She wasn't sure. She wasn't one for churches, really. Jackie had certainly never taken her to Sunday School and after the whole incident with the dragons and her actual father, she wasn't really too keen on going to one now.

As she peered through the gaps between people's heads, she wondered just what this service was about to have so many people gathered all at once. A wedding perhaps? No. There weren't any roses and nobody was dressed beautifully. In fact, most people were wearing black.

Oh. Was this a funeral?

Why had The Doctor visited a funeral? A funeral so many other people had attended? Surely this was the funeral of a famous person, perhaps that The Doctor had befriended. Queen Elizabeth maybe? Or Bill Gates? No. The booming voice from the front of the church was definitely British. She looked at the black clad masses. Their clothes looked modern enough. She supposed it wasn't Agatha Christie then. Or Winston Churchill.

She looked around, sure she would be able to see him in the crowd. He'd stand out for sure. The one lone man in a sea of black who would dare to wear a tan trenchcoat. Or a striped suit. Or a black leather jacket, she supposed. It might be her last Doctor. It might be the next one, with the bowtie, who was about to die and then come back…

_Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?_

What if it was an older Doctor? One that didn't know her at all? She guessed it wouldn't be a problem, really. He wouldn't be helpful to her if he was older, she needed The Doctor and Donna Noble and she was fairly certain that he didn't even meet Donna till after she had been trapped in Pete's World.

It would be interesting though…

She looked behind her first. The Doctor didn't often like to be the centre of attention in these sorts of things, and if she knew him at all (and by this stage, she was fairly certain that she did) she was sure that she would find him leaning on the back wall, or barely sticking his head through the door. Maybe he was even outside, looking through a window.

Aha! She spotted him, leaning against a pillar at the back of the large church, watching the source of the booming voice. Her heart clenched painfully. Was he crying? She squinted. His face was definitely wet. Maybe it was raining. No, his hair and his clothes were dry. (She was right, he was wearing his trenchcoat.) She watched as his eyes fell away from the front of the church and focussed instead on his hands. She could see that he was holding something, but just what it was, she had no idea. A note perhaps or a piece of clothing. He looked around him, as though noticing eyes upon him and slipped out of the crowd toward the door of the church.

Rose bobbed on her toes for a second, watching him leave, before she followed him to the exit. There were murmurs and everyone around her began to shuffle and stand. The service must be over, she thought, and quickened her pace so that she might catch up to The Doctor.

The familiar mantra played through her mind and on the back of her tongue as she waded through the crowd.

_Please let this be the right him, please let this be the right him…_

She made it to the door and looked around her. People were milling all around her now, through the door and toward a large black wall. Some lay flowers on the floor in front of it, others kissed it. Most cried. Some laughed. But Rose noticed that it was that sad sort of laugh people only ever used when they were relaying stories of loved ones lost.

She wormed her way through the crowd till she was at the front of the pack. Her nose was bare inches from the black wall, and she suddenly understood its significance.

_Arthur Best_

_Deidre Black_

_Samantha Black_

_Tabitha Black_

_Robert Carter_

_John Cetin_

The names continued down the black wall. It was a list of the dead.

Rose looked around for The Doctor again, eager to find him and curious as to whose name he was in front of. Was this a war service? Did he know humans in the world wars? She supposed he probably did. He knew people everywhere.

A bell chimed, and the masses of humans departed. Rose looked around her once again, confused. She listened in on snippets of conversation and from the bits she put together, she gathered that there was some kind of mass wake. A party for the parade of deceased names on that black wall.

She didn't follow the crowd, knowing that if The Doctor were here, he'd want his own time to stare at the names on the wall. She saw him, just as she thought she would, standing toward the other end of the wall. She took in a deep breath and approached, keeping tabs on the names as she passed. It was something she had done as a child at the War Memorials she'd had to visit on school excursions. They were boring. She'd passed the time by thinking of what the poor men had looked like, singing their names in her head as she passed them.

_Veronica Doherty_

_David Howitt_

_Jane Littleton_

_Anne Rowe_

She stopped, a few feet away from him, masked by the few stragglers who were going to join the wake. She squinted to see the name he stood in front of.

_George Tomlinson_

_Fiona Trineer_

She stopped at the next two names and suddenly knew exactly where she was.

_Jacqueline Tyler_

_Rose Tyler _

Oh…

She felt an devastatingly familiar cannonball in the pit of her stomach and raced away from him, hiding behind one of the church's massive pillars.

_Rose Tyler_

Seeing her name like that on the list of the dead made her blood curdle. No person should ever see their own grave, she thought, sick. Seeing his face as he looked at her name was worse though. It was grief for her. Even though he knew she wasn't really dead.

"_You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead."_

She remembered his words from that day, the worst day of her life. This was it. This was that list of the dead. And here he was, to say goodbye.

She skulked further behind the pillar. She couldn't let him see her. Oh, though she wanted to. To be able to jump out and pull him into her arms and tell him that it would be alright, and that she would find him again. That all he had to do was wait, hold on.

She couldn't believe she had once thought he would forget her.

He seemed to be murmuring into the wall, into her name. It broke her heart to see it, over and over again. She was used to the feeling now. She was used to his tears. Tears for her.

Another familiar voice startled her out of her melancholy dreaming and she cracked a smile.

"You a friend of the family then?"

"Oh…" The Doctor replied, blustering. "Yes, I guess so."

He guessed so. Jackie Tyler won out eventually, then.

"I'm Shareen."

"Oh…" he said again, with recognition. "Rose's Shareen."

Shareen laughed. "Yeah." It was that sad laugh that Rose had seen before, on the faces of those other sad, grieving people. She hadn't really taken all that much time to think about the other people in her life back on earth, who now thought she was dead. Her life had been so full of The Doctor in the two years leading up to her 'death' that she had forgotten how she had led her life before him, how much she had meant to the people she had loved before him. People that she still loved, of course. But still. The look on Shareen's face made her guilty somehow. Guilty that she had forgotten.

"So you were Rose's friend, were you?" Shareen asked, with that look that made both Rose and The Doctor blush. Trust Shareen. Rose was dead as far as she was concerned and still…

It was what made her Shareen, Rose supposed. Straight to the point and painfully, beautifully honest.

"Yeah," The Doctor replied. "Something like that." He didn't want to talk to her, Rose could tell. What could he say that would be appropriate? "We travelled together for…" For two years. For millions of decades. For all of time and space.

Forever.

"You're that doctor!" Shareen's face exploded in grins and tears. The Doctor looked at his feet and nodded. "Jackie told me," she explained. She moved closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said, and Rose felt her eyes well up with tears. "Jackie said how close you two were."

"I'll bet she did," The Doctor replied, surprising Rose with a hint of humour. His game face. His mask to hide behind. Rose sighed.

"You coming to the wake?" Shareen asked. "I'm headed there now."

"I'll catch up," The Doctor assured her, and Shareen narrowed her eyes at him. As well as being painfully honest, Shareen was brilliant at knowing when other people weren't.

"Right," she said, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe she just understood that he wanted to be alone. "Nice to meet you."

"And you," said The Doctor. "It's nice to know…you know…"

Shareen nodded. "It's nice to know every little last piece of her."

Shareen left The Doctor standing alone, staring at the name, Rose's name, etched into the wall.

The wind around Rose picked up, and she knew it was time to go.

She watched as The Doctor felt it and turned around, his eyes fierce. He was a Time Lord. He felt the ebb and flow of the earth. He felt the hole in reality being ripped.

His eyes hadn't quite reached her when she disappeared.

She was devastated and devastatingly glad that he didn't see her.


	14. The Heart of The TARDIS

A/N: Hello and welcome back! Apologies for the long hiatus - a busy semester at uni and a delightful array of health issues have left this journey on the back-burner for a wee while. But never fear! A slipped disc and a semester break have given me plenty of down time to continue writing!

Enjoy! And thank you for coming back.

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**Jump No. 53**

The first thing Rose noticed was that she didn't have a body again.

The second thing she noticed was that she was not in a transmission.

_Rose Tyler_

A voice boomed within and around her, which was odd because there was really no _her_ for any voice to surround.

"Hello?" she called into the darkness, but her mouth didn't speak. She had no mouth. Still, she heard the sound of her voice echoing through the nothingness. She heard without ears.

_I am here_

She looked around her with eyes that she didn't have. She cast her mind out into the darkness and was rewarded with a soft, golden light that she couldn't possibly see.

"Where am I?" she asked, sensing her voice in her mind and wondering who was there to hear it.

_You are within_

The voice was familiar, but she knew she had never heard it before. Technically, she wasn't hearing it now. But it was safe and it was close and it felt like home, somehow.

"Who are you?" She asked. Thought. The light turned blue and glowed inside her.

_Not who, _the voice said. _I am not who._

"Then what?" Rose asked, confused, but unable to feel annoyed. The glow inside her was too encompassing. It was liberating. Binding.

_You know me,_ the voice said. _But you do not remember. The memories were taken from you._

A slither of fear snuck its way through Rose's non-body.

_Do not fear, _the voice said. _No harm will come to you. You are incorporeal._

"I'm what?"

_You have no form. You are an idea. As am I. _

"What are you?" Rose asked, although there was something inside her non-self that started to feel recognition. She could feel heat and light and golden clouds shining through her mind and the weight of the wind and the power of time itself.

_You know me as the heart of the TARDIS._

She found herself with the strangest urge to bow.

_I thank you, child,_ the TARDIS said with what seemed like a chuckle in her non-voice.

"Do you have a name?" Rose asked suddenly. The TARDIS had a chuckle and a heart, why not a name?

The TARDIS seemed to laugh again. _Not quite,_ she said.

She…

Rose frowned, or at least she would have if she had a face. Did TARDISes have genders?

_He also likes to think of me as female,_ The TARDIS said. _Interestingly, I believe that is a human custom. The human race does intrigue him so. Always has. His most beloved race…_

Rose could feel her non-face blush. The TARDIS seemed to enjoy the outlet of emotion. She made a purring non-sound.

_I do not have a name, as humans do. Time sees me in many forms however. I see what has not yet come to pass. One day I will be called 'Sexy'. Is that not an odd name?_

Rose laughed this time, and The TARDIS purred around her again. "That doesn't surprise me in the slightest. He loves you dearly."

_Yes,_ The TARDIS said, matter-of-factly. _As he does you._

"Yes," Rose answered, just as calmly. She was used to this idea now.

_Do you remember any of the time in which we were bonded, Rose Tyler? _The TARDIS asked. _Soul sisters for a short eternity?_

Rose shook her non-existent head. "It was taken. Like you said."

The TARDIS seemed to nod. _We are the Bad Wolf. Neither myself nor you alone. We were omnipotent, for that short time. _

"But you're always like that, yeah?" Rose asked. "Heart of the TARDIS. All-powerful."

_I am without a body,_ The TARDIS replied. _Someday I shall have one again. I have seen it. But still it is not the same. I had not understood the human capacity before I joined with you. You are a great teacher, my sister._

"Me?" Rose asked. "What on earth could I teach you?"

_The human capacity to love. I have a soul, yes, but it is the soul so old that it doesn't experience as you do. Head first, body first, heart first…_

Like him, Rose thought. When they had first met.

_Indeed,_ The TARDIS agreed, reading her thoughts. _But so much older. And without a voice. _

"It must be lonely," Rose said.

_It is not,_ The TARDIS crooned. _I have had the best of company, the best of lives. The Doctor is a truly brilliant creature._

"Yeah," said Rose. "He is."

_You must teach him again,_ The TARDIS said. _Of compassion. Of the human capacity. He will need to learn this. I have seen it._

"What if we were together?" Rose asked suddenly, non-heart racing. "The Bad Wold. Omnipotent. You could take me back to him! We could fix the darkness!"

_We will not._

"Why not?" Rose asked. "We can do anything, you and me! You said so. We can!"

_We could, yes. But it shall not come to pass._

"Why?"

_Because you would die, Rose Tyler, like you were destined to those years ago at the Game Station. I will not allow you to die at my hand._

"But this isn't about me," Rose said and she could feel her non-voice yelling in the ether around her. "We could fix this!"

_In time, you will come to dust, Rose Tyler. As all things do. That time is not now. He would not allow it._

"It's not up to him," said Rose. "This is me. And you."

_I will not be the reason for his grief._

"But this is bigger. This is the universe! Every reality! It's bigger than The Doctor, can't you see that?"

_I see everything,_ The TARDIS reminded her. _All that was. All that is and all that could be. As you did once, with me. You no longer understand. But I see what may be, and there are more paths than you could imagine. I will not choose this one._

"Then there's another way?" Rose asked, feeling like the wind had been kicked out of her.

_There is always another way,_ she said, and Rose was reminded very fondly of her Doctor.

"Tell me what to do," Rose said. "Tell me which path and I'll take it. Just help me find him."

_I cannot tell you the path, as you have already chosen it. But I see many possibilities, some hopeful, some not. I find myself blinded to you once more, as I was before. As the realities collapse I see more clearly, but there is a future I cannot see. It is beyond my power. _

"But you see all possibilities. That's what you just said!"

_I see the universe into which I was born. I cannot see your past, in the realm you call Pete's World. It is not of my energy. _

"You lost power when we were there."

_Correct._

"Then I'm going to fail. I'm going to be stuck there and I'm never going to find him?"

_That is one possibility. It is unlikely, however. I see your return. I see my Doctor and his Rose, the three-fold Time Lord and his children. I see many things._

"But you won't use them to help me?"

_It is against our deepest laws. _

"You broke them once. On the Game Station."

_You broke me,_ The TARDIS retorted, though not unkindly. _I was unprepared. I admit that you surprised me. And I was curious. Curious and intrigued and as desperate as you._

"You're not desperate now?"

_You taught me so much, Rose Tyler. You taught me the act of faith. You believed in him with more than you had inside of you. I must now have faith in you. You will succeed._

"Then you won't help?"

_Not in that way,_ The TARDIS said, and Rose felt furiously close to tears. _You forget, however, where you are. I might be unable to choose your path but I am still The TARDIS._

"What?"

_You have no form. But I do._

Rose's heart lurched into her throat as she understood. "He's here? He's inside you right now?"

_He is not. His companion, however, is._

Donna.

"Can I talk to her?" Rose asked.

_I have no ability to form speech,_ The TARDIS said. _But I can transmit your image so that she might see. I can do no more._

"Do it!" Rose pleaded and suddenly felt her consciousness being squished into a transmission. It was not a pleasant feeling.

"This is The Doctor." What? He was there? He sounded strange. Digital, or something.

"Doctor!" she shouted, looking wildly around her. Was he there? Was he in another transmission? She could see Donna, Donna Noble, scrambling around the controls.

"Doctor, I'm here! Can you hear me?" she heard Donna ask. Her eyes were mad with fear and she stared into the console, into Rose. But Rose could feel herself being ripped away again. She could no longer see into the Control Room.

"No," she warned the void. "Not yet. Please!"

"Doctor!" she heard, from another different voice. A gruff man's voice. Possibly not even human. "Breathing your last?"

What? Rose scrambled to keep her non-feet in place. "What's going on?" she yelled to The TARDIS. "Is he alright?"

_Be calm,_ she heard The TARDIS croon. _It is not yet your time. I'm sorry. It will come._

"What?"

_Goodbye Rose Tyler,_ The TARDIS said, as Rose protested. _I will see you again, though you will not see me. Not as I am now. Love him well._

"No!" Rose said, pointlessly fighting off the pull of the void. "Is he alright? What was that thing?"

_All will be well,_ The TARDIS said. _It was a Sontar…_

The presence in her head was gone. There was nothing but white burning light. She was jumping again.

* * *

**Please review**


	15. Time Agents

**Jump No. 57**

"Rose!"

Rose felt her feet touch the ground only to have them pulled out from under her. She made a squeaking noise and fell, only to find herself in the arms of one Jack Harkness.

"Jack?" she whispered, feeling a faint fluttering under her navel.

"Yes ma'am," he said with that beautiful American bravado, and placed a kiss on her lips.

"Where are we?" she asked, looking him over with awe. He was here again. She hadn't had the chance to look over him properly the first time she'd seen him, when he and The Doctor had broken into her house. Her old Doctor with eyes of blue and pain.

"What happened to you?" he asked as though he hadn't heard her question. "What happened to your hair? Your clothes?"

Rose laughed. She couldn't help herself. She buried her head into his chest and laughed fully and loudly.

"What?" he asked.

"You've asked me that before," she said.

Jack furrowed his eyebrows. "I've never met you before," he countered.

"What?"

"What?"

Rose stared at him. "You look different," she said.

"So do you."

Rose let go of him and took a step back. She couldn't really ascertain what it was that was different about him. He was Jack. He looked just like Jack, but something was off. He looked a little older perhaps. Older than he was the last time she had seen him. But he had also died the last time she had seen him.

But he had never met her before?

"How did you know who I was if we've never met?" she asked.

"Oh, we've met," Jack said. "But only about five minutes ago. And I'm pretty sure we're still getting acquainted."

"You're not making any sense," Rose said, shaking her head.

"Neither are you," Jack offered, looking her up and down.

There was a loud sound overhead and Rose was broken out of the moment. She looked up. Zeppelins in the sky.

"Are we in Pete's World?" she asked, but even as she spoke she knew it couldn't be true. How could Jack Harkness possibly get there? And something else wasn't right. She felt like she had been here before, but it was different. Different to Pete's World.

"What on earth is Pete's World? Rose, where's The Doctor?"

"I don't know," Rose said. "I'm looking for him."

She heard a plane overhead and ducked instinctively.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"That's what I'd like to know," Jack replied, his face turning dark. "Because I happen to know that Rose Tyler is aboard my ship right at this minute negotiating terms."

"Next to the Big Ben," Rose realized with a grin. This was World War Two London. She was around here somewhere. She was too early.

"Who are you?" Jack Harkness took a step forward, reaching his hand to the back of his jacket.

"Really, you should know better than to pull a weapon like that, Jack."

"You sound like The Doctor."

"He has that effect. Who are you, if Jack Harkness is up there with me?"

Jack pulled his hand back out from behind him and showed her his watch.

"I'm from the future," he said.

"So am I."

"That's impossible."

"You're impossible."

"Yes I am."

Rose shook her head. She wasn't even sure what was going on anymore.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"You know Satellite Five?"

"Of course I do. You…" She didn't finish the sentence. One, because it was hard to admit that he had died, and two, because she had no idea from how far in the future he had come. Had he even died yet?

Had he died yet? Rose shook her head. Of course he couldn't have died yet. All this time travel was messing with her head.

"I died, yes," Jack said, matter-of-factly. Rose frowned and opened her mouth to argue. Jack waved his hand in her face, apparently not in the mood to explain. "After I came back on Satellite Five, and no I don't know how that happened, I used the Time Vortex Manipulator to get to the rift. It sent me to 1869."

"You came back?" The feeling of relief was nearly enough to make her vomit. She could feel her pulse beating rapidly under her tongue and felt a somewhat familiar lightheadedness she had come to recognise as The Bad Wolf.

"I came back," Jack said with a shrug. "Don't ask. I came back and off I went to '69."

"Good year," Rose said, tongue between her teeth and thinking of Charles Dickens and her blue-eyed Doctor.

"Don't think I didn't see you then," he warned, cheekily. "You were a hell of a flirt."

She thought of herself, nineteen and full of brass, chatting up her Doctor in that young, keen and uncertain way she wished she still had in her. It thrilled her a little to think that Jack had been there watching.

"And you didn't say hi?"

"I couldn't tell whether you were before or after me. Didn't want to risk it."

"Jack Harkness, being cautious?" Rose laughed.

"The Doctor has that effect."

Rose giggled. "Good hunch then, because that was one of the first places I ever went with him."

Jack nodded. "Lucky."

"And then what?" Rose asked.

"Then this stupid manipulator stopped working and I got stuck."

"You've been living out a linear life since 1869?" How was that even possible? That was over seventy years ago! He should have died of old age by now, or at least been wasting away in some nursing home.

Jack nodded. "Unfortunately," he replied with a sigh. "But," he chirped, and Rose shook her head from the new volume in his voice, "You're here, which means The Doctor's here, which means I have a way out. And maybe some old travel buddies back?" He opened out his arms for her. She didn't respond. "That is assuming you are actually Rose Tyler from the future, and not some Slitheen or shape changer or something like that…"

"Not a Slitheen," she assured. "No zip. One hundred percent Rose Tyler."

"But…"

"But no Doctor in tow," he sighed. "I'm on my own today."

"Oh," Jack said, crestfallen. "Why? Where is he?"

"Heaven only knows," Rose said. "Wait! You remember when you bought me my bike?"

Jack looked blankly at her for a moment. "Oh," he said, clapping his hands. "Jackie Tyler nearly killed us," he said with a grin. "Oh…" he repeated, with a little understanding. "It's you again. From the void…"

Rose nodded.

"What happened?" he asked. "Why are you here?"

"It's a long story," Rose said. "Basically, I'm dead."

"What?"

Rose sighed. There was never enough time to explain. Never enough time to do anything other than explain. "It's complicated," she said. "Maybe you'll find out…taking the slow path like you are…"

"Rose…" Jack must have noticed the light go out of her eyes. The drive. He put a hand to her face.

"Kiss me," she said, before she even knew what she was doing, and as though she had never even asked, Jack Harkness's lips were covering hers.

She allowed herself this brief interlude, this moment to herself. Her senses were overloaded with testosterone and she let herself revel in it. The Doctor wouldn't have minded, he knew what she was going through, or at least he would understand if he did. She needed this. Apparently Jack did too, although Rose couldn't imagine that he was ever in need of a little physical relaxation. Jack Harkness was physical relaxation, pure and simple.

"And all these years later it's finally happening," Jack chuckled into her ear.

"Watch yourself," she said warningly, thinking of her younger self and Jack's own younger self somewhere above them.

"Rose?"

Oh dear. Rose knew that voice. The Doctor.

"We shouldn't be here," Jack said, although Rose could tell he was grinning into her forehead.

"You are incorrigible," Rose said and smacked him on the arm. "He's going to have a fit if he sees us!"

"The wrong us," Jack reminded her.

"I don't think this particular Doctor will care all that much," Rose said, thinking of his jealous, cold eyes. She took Jack's hand and they ran together. A small part of her felt a pang of betrayal, holding his hand like that, running with him like that, kissing him like that…

Still…it had been a hard two years. She deserved…

She deserved nothing more or less than what she got.

"What are you even doing here?" Rose asked, when they had gotten a safe enough distance away. "Just come to watch yourself flirt?"

"This is where it all started," he said. "The happiest time of my life. With you."

"And The Doctor," Rose reminded him.

"Yeah. A proper ménage a trois."

Rose hit him again.

"What?" he asked with a laugh. "Don't tell me it wasn't good!"

"It was the best," Rose said. But there was that tugging feeling at the back of her jacket again.

"Ah bugger," she sighed. "Time to go."

"What?" Jack asked, incredulously. "There's time yet."

"All the time in the world for you, Jack," she said, grinning to herself. How was it that she always managed to end these things on a cliché?

"Where are you going?" he asked as she felt herself begin to fade.

"To the other side of reality," she said mysteriously, hoping he would pour over it for years. The last thing she saw was his confused, somehow awed face.

Ha. Got him.


	16. 1913

**Jump No. 60**

"Can I help you?"

Rose's breath hitched as she turned around with a flurry. She thought she'd be used to being sprung by random people in random places, but to be honest, it was something that never ceased to give her the collywobbles.

Collywobbles…was that a word she used? It stank of Pete Tyler. A little bit of her Doctor too, come to think of it. She wondered from which of them she had learned it, hoping for the first time that it was not The Doctor. Who would have thought? There was something to be said for learning something from one's father. Even he was not really her actual father…

"Excuse me?"

Oh right. Company.

Rose looked into the face staring back at her. It was a kindly face, but one she didn't know. She looked around the face at the room in which she had appeared. It looked like an infirmary, though not a particularly good one.

"Hi," said Rose to the face she didn't recognise. "Sorry…" She wondered where and when she was. Earth perhaps? It certainly didn't look like she was in the future, but her travels with The Doctor had taught her well enough that things weren't always what they seemed. She could be in the 16th Great and Bountiful Human Empire for all she knew. "Is The Doctor here?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm the Matron," the woman replied. "Will that do?" She looked Rose up and down before frowning disapprovingly. "Are you new?"

"Er…" Rose frowned back. "Yeah…" she said, smoothing down her pants. "I'm…"

"In the kitchens?"

"That's right," Rose said, with a big fake smile. "The kitchens, that's me."

The matron nodded. "I thought you must be, you look familiar."

She did? Rose looked around her again. Had she and The Doctor been here? Was she too early again?

"I'm Nurse Redfern," The matron said. "I don't think we've been introduced properly."

She was very formal, this Nurse Redfern. "I'm…" she hesitated, same as always. That blond man with his two hearts and his eyes of fire still burned her insides. She still couldn't share her name.

"I'm looking for someone," she said, same as always. "A traveller, maybe two? A man and a woman most likely," she said, thinking of all the companions she had seen him with, all those young women…

"We don't get many travellers here," Nurse Redfern said. "Are you alright?" she asked, kindly, but just a little judgementally. "Do you need to rest? Perhaps a biscuit?"

Rose smiled, wondering vaguely when she had last eaten. "Actually, that would be lovely," she said. If nothing else, she might have the matron out of her hair for a few moments. The nurse looked her over again, still disapproving, and turned toward the door.

"I wouldn't make this a habit if I were you," Nurse Redfern said as she turned the doorknob. "Kitchen staff coming to the infirmary for biscuits. It's backward, that's what, and Cook will have your hide if you're not careful."

"Yes Matron," Rose said, a little bewildered, as the nurse gave her a kind smile and left her alone in the room.

Right. Investigation time. The matron didn't seem to know who The Doctor was, but he had to be around here somewhere, otherwise she wouldn't have been sent here at all. She closed her eyes for a second as though she might be able to sense the TARDIS somewhere. They'd been through so much together, Rose Tyler and the old machine, but her concentrating was to no avail. They may have been conjoined by the souls at some point, two points now, she supposed, but it wasn't enough. She had no idea where to start looking.

This room, however, was clearly not the right place. She looked around herself quickly before heading toward the door. She had to get out of there before the matron came back, all smiles and judgement and biscuits. Her head spun a little as she started to walk (it hadn't done that for at least fifteen jumps…odd…) and she braced herself on a nearby table for support. She heard a thud and realised she had knocked a book off the table in her haste. She sighed and bent down to pick it up.

She gasped.

Her face was staring back at her.

How odd.

She flicked through the pages of the book. There were Daleks and Cybermen, a picture of K-9 and pages and pages of pictures she didn't understand. "Doctor," she whispered into the book, and with a triumphant pang in her heart, she nestled the book in one arm and exited the room.

"Hello."

She gasped again, nearly dropping the book. A teenaged boy was staring back at her, oddly.

"Hello," she said back, a wary smile creeping its way to her face.

"I'm Baines," the boy said. "Who are you?"

Rose didn't answer. She could feel the hairs on her arms stand on end.

"I'm in the kitchens," she said finally with a half-hearted smile, thankful that Nurse Redfern had given her an identity.

The boy took in a deep breath, his nose in the air. Was he sniffing her?

"You smell," he said, his face turning into a frown.

"Er…" What on earth was going on? "Sorry?" she offered, but the boy didn't look disappointed. In fact, he looked at her with something resembling triumph.

"Where is The Doctor?" the boy named Baines asked. He raised an eyebrow and Rose got the sudden feeling that even if she knew, she shouldn't tell him.

"I don't know what you mean," she said. "The matron was in the infirmary, but she's gone for biscuits." Well played, Tyler. Use Nurse Redfern's ignorance to your advantage.

"This stench is not congruent with The Doctor," Baines said, sniffing her again. "There is something unlike the vortex. It smells of…" he took another deep breath. "Nothingness."

The void. Her Northern Doctor had smelt it on her too. Was this boy an alien, then? Perhaps she wasn't on earth after all.

"You are not of this world," Baines concluded. "Who are you?"

Rose stiffened. She had no idea what was going on, but she felt sure that if she gave the wrong answer, she could very well be putting The Doctor in danger. "I'm looking for The Doctor," she said, her chest tight with nerves. She hoped that she was saying the right thing.

"As are we," Baines replied with something resembling a smile. "For what purpose do you require him?" he asked.

"Same as you," Rose replied.

"Impossible," Baines said. "We have been tracking him for several of this planet's months. We have found no trace of him here. How did you come to find this place?" He seemed both angry and intrigued. Rose had no idea whether this was a good combination or not.

"Passing through," she said, a little amused that she hadn't exactly lied yet. "I won't stay long," she said. "I look for him everywhere."

Baines frowned. "You will not stay?"

"No," she said. "I'll leave this Time Lord to you."

"Good," said Baines. "Mother of Mine will pleased to know it. We do not need competition."

"Right…" said Rose. "His companion…" she said, crossing her fingers in her mind for good luck. "Who is it?"

"We do not know," he said. "We have not seen her face."

Rose sighed. "Did you see her at all?" she asked. "Does she have red hair?" Thank goodness for Donna Noble's hair, Rose thought. Everyone remembered gingers.

"She does not," Baines said. "We have caught mere glimpses. She is dark haired. Slim. That is all we have been able to ascertain. She and The Doctor have certainly done a lot of running."

Rose laughed under her breath. That did sound like him.

"Joan?"

Rose knew that voice.

Baines's eyes went wide and he pulled on his blazer. "One of the teachers," he said, in a hush. "I trust I shan't see you in this place again?" He raised his eyebrow again and Rose understood the warning in his voice.

"Passing through" she said, as she had before. She needed to get out of here. She knew that voice better than she knew the back of her own hand and she figured that it would not be a good idea for the owner of that voice to see her here, particularly if he was hiding from the Baines boy and whoever else he was working for.

Baines nodded curtly, and Rose ducked away behind one of the doorways in the hall.

"Professor Smith," Baines greeted politely.

"Hello Baines," Rose heard from that beautiful voice. She peeked around the corner. There he was. Beautiful and brilliant and just a little odd looking.

The Doctor.

She tried to place what was so odd, but she couldn't. It was like he was holding himself differently, although she couldn't figure out how. The Doctor smiled at Baines and began asking him questions about his homework. Rose frowned again. Just what was going on?

"Who were you talking to, Baines?" The Doctor asked.

"One of the kitchen staff," Baines replied, nonchalantly. "Smelt of dog."

The Doctor laughed. "I knew a girl like that once," he said, his nose scrunched. "Had a smell of the wolf about her." He seemed look off into the distance for a second. Baines laughed. "How strange," The Doctor said, "I'm not quite sure what I meant by that…"

Rose frowned as she watched Baines make his excuses and leave. She watched The Doctor stroke his chin thoughtfully, still staring out to space.

"She wrote a letter on rose petals, scattered through time," he muttered to himself. Rose's heart tugged her painfully. "The wolf! That's new. Who is she?"

Rose stared at the book in her hand. He had drawn her picture but didn't know who she was. She opened it, flicking through furiously till she found a page about her. There were a few, she noticed. One of her face in a television set. She smiled ruefully. That was only a few days ago, really. One scattered with roses. One with her face. How did he not know her?

She dropped the book with a start, as she felt the light and the darkness of the void begin to take her.

"Who's there?" She heard The Doctor exclaim, and she hid herself under a desk at the sound of his footsteps. She watched him pick up the book and hold it to his mouth.

She watched him intently as she began to fade. He sighed into the book and frowned.

_"She will not answer me and she keeps walking away."_

* * *

_**please review**  
_


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